He says terrible things about my family

Dear Minerva,

I’m a 17-year-old girl and I have been with my boyfriend for a year. He is five years older and had one child.

At first things were going great but then he cheated on me and sad to say it was my older sister who saw him with the woman and took photos. She then told my mom and showed her the evidence.

Since then, they have been telling me to end it. While my boyfriend apologized to me and my family – he claimed the girl was an ex and she had returned from overseas and he was just being kind by taking her around. He claimed she was holding on to him and he did not want to insult her. I am not sure I believe him.

However, he has been carrying on to me privately and saying terrible things about my mom and my sister. While initially I was upset with my sister for showing mom the photos, I realise that she did it because she cares about me.

I really love this guy because when I think of leaving him I feel terrible. But I also love my family and I can’t bear that he says such horrible things about them. I feel really awful, Minerva. What should I do? Confused

Dear Confused, Any guy who loved you would not disrespect your family and expect you Dear Minerva, I am a 17-year-old girl. I had a serious crush on a boy in school. We were in the same class and we were friends, but I always wished there was more between us though I never let him or anyone else know.

Strangely, once school closed (we actually graduated this year) I did not really think about him. I have been busy doing a lot of things including travelling.

Then recently we saw each other again and it was back to normal for me. My heart started beating very fast and I felt like I had won a prize when he hugged me and said he was happy to see me. I know he meant it in a friendly way, but still…

My question is, Minerva, do I really have a crush on this guy? Or do I have Dear Minerva, I broke up with my boyfriend about a year ago, because I thought we were having communication problems. It hurt because I loved him a lot and it was very hard to let go. I still do love him a lot. However, I later realised that he was having multiple relationships and that when he was with other girls he would make himself unavailable to me – therefore no communication.

We are talking as friends now and I am watching him move from girl to girl like a whirlwind. He now feels okay telling me about his relationships because I am no longer his girlfriend, although he jokingly says sometimes that I should give him another chance – I don’t know to do what.

Minerva, I try telling him that he needs to slow down but he refuses to listen to me. I feel that I am meant to help him see what he is doing is wrong and that he is ruining his life and his reputation, but I to put up with it. You should have stopped him the first time he tried and put an end to it. He is also disrespecting you.

Like you, I am having trouble believing the story he told about his ex-girlfriend. I feel that he only came up with that story because your sister caught him.

Apart from all that, he is a bit too old for you. Age does count when you are only 16 or 17 years old. You should think more seriously about ending things with him. You should let him know immediately that he is wrong to say what he is saying about your family. Tell him to stop and insist on an apology to them – you must let them know what he is saying, of course.

Next, put some distance between the two of you. He does not deserve you. other feelings for him? Is this love? What is love exactly? How do you know when you’re in love? I can’t stop thinking about him. Need to know

Dear Need to know, You definitely have a crush. It’s actually a good thing that it switches off when he is not around as it allows you to function properly, rather than daydreaming.

No, it’s not love. When you do fall in love you will know. It’s nothing that you will have to guess about or be unsure of.

Because you were able to before, you will stop thinking about him once you get busy again. Eventually, the feelings will pass. cannot get through to him. I find this frustrating.

Should I just leave him to continue what he is doing? Or should I keep trying to make him see sense. I realise I still care about him. Help.

Confused

Dear Confused, You did not give your age or your exboyfriend’s but given the issue you raised, I think it’s safe to assume that you are both adults.

Therefore, you are not responsible for him, his reputation or his life – just yours. You have been a good friend to him even though he hurt you. There is not much more that you can do at this point.

He obviously knows what he is doing is wrong but is determined to do it anyhow. You have had a lucky escape. Try not to get caught up with him again.