Struggles of a single mom

how to live without certain basic things and certain people like him who is supposed to be around. They just had to learn because they live in the situation,” she said.

Her daughter, the eldest of the three, seems to be her biggest concern.

“My daughter was doing well in school, but she has dropped back and is now in a remedial class,” she said almost close to tears.

“But I know what she has inside of her and I know it is because of what she went through, during her last examination we had gotten put out from where we were living and we had to end up living in a church for a while.

“I am still thankful that she is going to school and she is trying now and she gets involve in other activities at the school like gymnastic and the choir. And sometimes she is unable to complete the assignments the way the teachers want because they want coloured pictures and things off the internet and we can’t always afford it.

“It pains me that my daughter is in a remedial class because I know the ability of my daughter. I am not afraid because I know her ability. Apart from a brilliant child she also has gifted hands, she can braid hair and she can cook almost anything. With the cooking and so she was forced to get into it because at one time I was so sick that she had to become like the single parent because she washed and cooked everything for her little brothers.”

The surprise on my face was evident and she did not miss it; after the surprise I felt anger, but I remained quiet.

“Yes, I was very sick I could have hardly helped myself and I think I was going out of my mind,” she said, attempting to answer the questions I had not asked.

“But as a single parent I enjoy doing the things I did to maintain my children, none was illegal, none was degrading, some of them were very difficult physically. You do work that a man had to do but you did it with a joy.

“I did things from putting out a stand of plantain chip to working as a cook in the interior and at one time I was doing both cooking and mining in the pit. I also worked professionally.

“It is just like you are a parent and you enjoy being around your children, it is no longer cause me any kind of sadness. I try my best to provide what I can provide but my church sister is really helpful too.

“But I know with this job I have I will make a money,” she said this with a broad smile on her face. “Despite all the difficulties my children honestly believe that I am the best mother in the world.”

Do you believe you are the best mother in the world? I enquired.

“Oh gosh no! I can do much better than I am doing, I am far from the best. I try to bring them up in the right way though and that is more important,” she answered. I asked her how she could do better. “I can do better because I have a lot of gifts but sometimes you feel you are too weak to do what you can do. It is not that you are weak you are confused, and you really don’t know what to do,” she explained.

“My boys want to be pilots and my daughter wants to be a doctor and I know she will become a doctor.

“But you know I have always wanted to be part of a programme that will reach out to single moms, not just single but moms who were hurt and abused because I know how that is. When I was going through some of the worst times there was somebody who was going through the same or worse and I tried to help them but never told them what I was going through because I did not want to appear weak I wanted to strengthen them,” she said moving into an entire different issue.

I sat and looked at her and wondered how she helped others when it was obvious as she sat in front of me she was finding it difficult to gain control of her life.

“I hardly will sit and tell people about my abuse, yes I went through abuse,” she said with a smile.

“But to actually sit and talk about it is not easy, but if I am under pressure I will choose who to tell.”

She did not choose to tell me, and I was not sure I wanted to hear or had the emotional space to listen. Hearing about her and her children’s struggles was enough for the day.

This mother is not a stranger to me and while I knew her life must have been difficult because she is a single parent I was never privy to the struggles. I wondered if I could have helped more and I am still wondering what I can do to assist. I am happy that she now has a relatively good job and I pray that it lasts.

“I am just now hoping to rent a place so that my children and I can have our own space because right now we don’t have that,” she said.

She picked up her bag signalling the end of the conversation, at least for the time being. I know I will hear from her soon. She knew I was interviewing her for publication and I guess that was all she was willing to share with the public.