A matter of choice
I have never really examined why I have never been inclined to have children up until this current period in my life. My position often comes as a surprise to many. They seem to think that the mothering gene that has supposedly been engrained in all women has been yanked out of me. From simple conversations with friends to medical practitioners, I am constantly, gently, but sometimes overtly reminded of their natural expectation that I would have a child, eventually.
I remember once being denied access to the IUD form of contraception based solely on the fact that I didn’t have children. The doctor was stunned that it was my first choice and sent me home with a NuvaRing which up until this day still sits in my closet collecting dust. I was shocked at her even asking why and I didn’t have the words at the time to convey why this was the best method for me but realised too how relatively unheard of it was for women and particularly married women.
Suspicion over my non-inclination sometimes even has people concluding that it may be as a result of my own or my husband’s inability and that my position is just deep rooted in bitterness and glossed over with a cool girl, carefree appearance.
Based on my life experiences, I always felt that my parents found parenting burdensome. But perhaps they were confused as to how they should go about doing it, or they were continuously pressured by other societal factors which put a strain on developing the bonds. Either way, while they coped financially, childhood experiences taught me that while children bring a special joy, there should be a complete awareness of self before there is any intentional motivation to become a parent. Their attitudes influenced me to wholesomely interrogate feelings of certainty, to question my personal desire and to be okay with myself for saying “not yet”.
Another deep seated reason for not being sure is the fact that I feel as if I am playing catch up with