Filling Vacancies (A Tongue-in-Cheek Résumé)
Vacancy Notices are becoming more and more colourful in the daily press, very likely because of the job market becoming increasingly more competitive, even though some invitations are to levels of applicants who may not be literate enough – for example, to interpret whether he/she is the ‘semi-skilled person’ – comparable to the ‘Porter’ shown in the same NOTICE. Another does not cater for the much more literate applicant being more than a little puzzled by the un-hyphenated descriptor ‘AFTER SALES SUPERVISOR’.
Then there will be others who have to decide which of the following operations attract the best pay, while being assured of safety:
Corporate Driver
Heavy Equipment Operator Senior Equipment/Machinery Operator – HDTU
Truck Driver
Pump Operator
Bobcat Operator
Layout Operator; and for which of the above licence is needed.
Most troubling perhaps is the portrayal by one Public Sector Agency of an unusual number of missing HEADS, in addition to unnumbered ‘Statisticians’ - specialists who have always justified the name of that well established employer. Indeed, the aforementioned presentations would appear to demand greater capability than would be provided by a ‘Human Resources Clerk’ – a position also advertised amongst JOB OPPORTUNITIES offered in the same rush – to:
Labourer
HSE Engineer
Site Chemist; all providing pause for reflection on the capacity of the respective Human Resources Management functionaries.
More sensitive job seekers may well hold reservations about the extent of professionalism within the management environment of the respective organisations. And yet one continues to wonder whether applicants for ‘Experienced Hauler Driver’ and ‘Experienced Sales Clerks’ would have left their previous employment voluntarily. Hopefully the same outdated ‘Personnel Department’ could be able to conduct the relevant tests to recommend for hire:
Semi-skilled Joiners
Welder
Factory Workers at mutually satisfactory terms and conditions, and with the blessing of the Ministry of Labour.
Sincerely, E.B. John