Commitment

“Realise that the hardest step in achieving anything is making a true commitment” - Tony Robbins

If the divorce and separation rates across the globe are anything to go on, then the advice from life coach/ motivational speaker Tony Robbins’ seems to be falling on deaf ears. According to the website Divorce.com the most common reasons cited for divorce (in those countries where the phenomenon is highest) are: domestic violence (23.5 percent), substance abuse (34.6), financial hardship (36.7), marrying too young (45.1), irreconcilable differences (57.7), infidelity (59.6), lack of commitment (75).While these reasons are not surprising, the percentage provided for the lack of commitment does leap off the page.

Long-term commitment to any endeavour, whether it be marriage, career, exercise programme or hobby is not an easy task, and it requires ongoing personal discipline in the short term. In today’s world of social media and smartphones, new patterns of non-commitment are evolving – notably in the younger generation – which should spark cause for concern. The effects of these disrespectful disappearing acts are rippling across society, as they become more commonplace between employer and job seeker, and in personal relationships. These spin-offs of the social media culture have added new vocabulary to the everyday lexicon of life: ghosting, breadcrumbing, submarining and orbiting.

The common thread running through these actions is the abrupt disappearance of one party with no explanation, accountability, or closure provided. The most popular of these traits displayed on social media platforms is ‘ghosting’, which is loosely defined as someone discontinuing a relationship through silence, and it is considered an indirect method of relationship termination. This boorish practice is apparently becoming more routine in the employment world, where new hires are no-shows, and employers suddenly cease corresponding with job seekers even after a round or two of interviews. The convenience of social media facilitates ‘hiding behind a screen’ and avoids the hassle of a potential confrontation with simply the click of a button.

Explanations offered for these actions are often limited to the stock answer ‘everyone is doing it.’ The perpetrators of these transactional activities most likely never contemplate the effects on those ‘ghosted’. Depending on the nature or the depth of the relationship, or at what stage the potential employment opportunity was at, the act of being ‘ghosted’ can lead to mental and emotional pain.

Being confused and lacking closure can trigger self doubt and uncertainty over whether the problem is with one’s self. In worse-case scenarios, disappearing acts can lead to disenfranchised grief, a term coined by grief researcher,