Movie magic makes holiday boredom vanish

So how was Spring Festival for you? Family reunion? Embarrassing relatives? A faceful of dumplings?

Sounds like many a Christmas I’ve endured — minus the dumplings.

How was my Spring Festival? Boring. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give my social life a minus 5, so I spent the holiday alone in my apartment, trying to write a book. I meticulously detailed the experiences from my first four months in China — that was one page out of the way. But what about the rest of the book? I’d have to write about my life.

After a week of drawing on embarrassing experiences from a checkered lifetime, I encountered writer’s block — or rather, writer’s can’t-be-bothered.

To tell you the truth, I was glad to get back to work.

At dinner time, a colleague must have spotted me moping over whatever culinary masterpiece the canteen chefs had conjured up.

“Would you like to go to the cinema?”

Yes, I would. After the dreary week I’d just had, I would have gone anywhere. Pond dipping? OK. A nose flute recital? Count me in.

But the cinema it was. The last time I’d been out to see a movie was years ago when I took my son to see Casino Royale — and very good it was too. But there are few movies I would pay to see these days, especially not the Hollywood variety.

We surveyed the films on offer at the Beijing cinema. Not much to choose from, so we picked a sensory cinema screening of a Chinese blockbuster, Journey to the West: The Demons Strike Back.

I made the mistake of buying a coffee to take in with me. When the movie started and my seat started shaking I soon had coffee all over my leg.

It was a small price to pay. This was a fantastic experience. My eyes were glued to the screen throughout the movie. The 3-D effects were astonishing. Demons leapt at me, real winds blew, lightning flashed.

I was dying for a pee during the last half-hour but I didn’t get up. I didn’t want to miss anything.

What was the film about? Haven’t a clue. My learned colleague told me the story was an allegory, aimed at kids, warning them about the tricks, illusions and pitfalls life could present them with.

How did they make a film like that? What kind of minds must they have to think up those ideas?

More than impressed by my unplanned night out, I had a look at some online reviews of the film when I got back to my flat. Three stars seemed to be the consensus.

THREE STARS! What do these people want? What kind of lives do they lead to judge that kind of thrill ride a mere three-star experience? This was the kind of world-weary attitude that must have prevailed before the fall of Rome.

Oh well, that was it. The fun was over. Back to writing my book — or maybe not. Dredging up the past might open up a huge can of worms.

Hmm ... a can of worms. Special effects could work wonders with that!