To comfort aging grandma, stranger poses as dead daughter
Family kept up charade for 13 years to protect woman from shock of losing only child
When Cheng Jing’s mother died of cancer, she feared the shock would also kill her aging grandmother. So instead of telling her, she found a standin — and kept the lie alive for 13 years.
“People often say it takes 100 lies to cover just one,” Cheng said recently after the passing of her grandmother, He Fuyu, at age 100.
Although the deception had lasted much longer than expected, she said she had no regrets, as it had brought the elderly woman years of comfort.
“My grandma was a widow at 30 and had to raise my mom on her own,” said Cheng, 45, from Xianyang, Shaanxi province. After finishing school, her mother settled down in Xianyang, and had four children.
Her grandma lived in Longchang, Sichuan province, because she didn’t want to leave her hometown. Her mother often wrote early on and then they switched to regular phone calls. But in 2003, her mother died of lung cancer at 69. “Our family hid it from grandma because we could not bear to let her endure the pain of losing her only child,” she said.
After concealing He from the truth for 10 months, Cheng decided to call the Chinese Business View, a local newspaper, in an effort to find a woman with a voice similar to her deceased mother’s who would be willing to chat on the phone with the elderly woman. The paper published a story on April 1, 2004.
“I received more than 50 calls in two days,” Cheng recalled. “But when a woman named Chen Weiping called, I felt that she was the one. Her voice sounded like my mom’s, as they both had Sichuan accents.”
Chen, 55, lived in Xi’an, but her family was originally from Longchang. She said she was touched by the family’s story and agreed to help.
Before making her first call to He — posing as her daughter — Cheng provided her with more than 10 pages of background notes about the family. “I also sent her some voice recordings of my mother,”
Cheng said.
On April 20, 2004, Chen called He, with Cheng also on the line. She recalled that her first words were: “Mom, how are you feeling? I miss you.”
“The first time, grandma was a little unaccustomed to Chen’s voice and asked who was calling. When Chen said it was her daughter, grandma didn’t believe her,” Cheng said. “I told her that people’s voices sometimes sound different on the phone, but grandma was still not convinced. Eventually, Chen and my grandma began discussing family matters and she seemed to lose any suspicion.”
Chen said within a year, she could talk with He naturally. “There was no fixed frequency to our communication,” she said. “Every year, when I changed the calendar, the first thing I would do was mark down her birthday, and there should also be greetings during certain holidays.”
Cheng said that Chen never accepted a penny for her services, not even money to cover long-distance call charges.
Yet despite all the preparations and heartfelt phone calls, He grew increasingly suspicious over the years because Chen would always find excuses to avoid meeting in person.
“The whole family would spend Spring Festival in Sichuan and grandma was very happy to see us return every year,” Cheng said. “But each time she would stand in the doorway, looking around and murmuring, ‘She didn’t come again’.”
She said her family grew used to making excuses, including poor health and sudden emergencies, to keep the charade alive. “A few months before one Spring Festival, grandma missed my mom very much, so we promised that she’d be back this time. In the end, we had to show her an unused train ticket, saying the train was booked but mom suddenly fell ill and could not travel,” Cheng said. “Grandma worried a lot, and even asked us whether there was someone taking care of my mother.
“When grandma asked us to take her to visit mom in Shaanxi, we had to tell her that she put herself at risk traveling at such an advanced age, and grandma eventually gave up on the idea.”
Chen said she also told He that she had suffered a heart attack and could not travel long distances. “After that, she never complained again,” she added.
In February last year, Chen attended He’s 100th birthday celebration in Sichuan and posed as old friend of Cheng’s mother. “I finally met the woman I’d been calling for years. She did not recognize me, even after I hugged her for a long time,” she said.
“In 2014, my own mother passed away at 85. I was depressed, but talking with He on the phone made me feel safe and secure inside,” Chen said. “Over the years, my own family all supported me to keep the lie alive.”
She said her only regret is that she didn’t call He in the weeks before her death in May.
“I had played over in my mind many times how I would bid farewell to her, but it didn’t happen,” she said. “I asked her grandchildren whether she mentioned me as she was dying. They said no, and I was very upset — which confirmed my guess that maybe she’d learned the truth.”
Cheng said she also suspected as much, but was never able to confirm it. “Perhaps grandma knew from her neighbors or other relatives but was for some reason unwilling to rock the boat,” she said.
“One major regret for me was that I couldn’t take care of my mother in her old age,” she added. “But I felt I could compensate for this by showing love for He instead.”
Chen said she felt she did something worthwhile.
“I learned a lot from He — a kind and optimistic woman who lived a very long life,” she said. “Cheng and I are like family now. When we first met in Xi’an in 2004, she was pregnant. Our relationship is as old as her son.”