4 Words That Seduce Any Man... Anytime!
‘I want you now’. This single sexy phrase makes him drop everything (pants included) and focus all attention on you. But you need to work it carefully.
Whispering almost any naughty line to a guy is the sexual equivalent of 3-D glasses—it heightens the entire experience for him. But after talking to a bunch of men recently, we learned there are four specific words every man longs to hear the most. The phrase that unleashes his lust? ‘I want you now’. We asked experts why that is, and here they explain the reasons...
It Shocks the Hell Out of Him
Hearing those words when you’re unzipping his pants or aggressively pushing him down on the bed does mind-melting things to a guy, sure, but if uttered someplace completely innocuous, like the park, they are even hotter.
“That line out of context, when he least expects it, triggers his desire instantly,” says psychotherapist Stephen Johnson, PH.D., director of the Men’s Centre of Los Angeles. “When a guy is erotically surprised, it actually causes his brain to release endorphins and neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and dopamine that affect his mood and put him in a physiological state of arousal.” In addition, because the phrase is so blunt, it taps in to racy fantasies that most men have about raw, spontaneous, even animalistic action.
Here’s the thing, though: you need to be strategic when you say it. You want that shock factor, but then it’s also key to repeat the phrase when you’re back between the sheets to drive the point home that you’re actually going to make good on your promise. “If you whisper the magic words when there’s no way you can have sex in the near future—as you’re walking out the door to go on vacation with friends or during a trip with your parents—it’s crying wolf,” says sex therapist Sadie Allison, author of Ride ’Em Cowgirl.
It Lets Him Know You’re in Charge
When you make that kind of sexual advance, he reads it as your being aggressive. This is especially true if you repeat the line in bed, because it reinforces that you initiated the night of fun. “Many guys’ number-one wish is to be slightly dominated by a woman,” says Johnson. Not only will your take-charge attitude rile him up, but you’ll also love what it does to you. “When a woman goes after what she wants and gets it, it makes her feel powerful,” says Allison. “And power is very erotic.”
Finally, it can be easy to forget that dudes need to feel desired as well. When you say those words, it tells him just that. “Men are socialised and trained to let women know how hot they are,” says Warren Farrell, PH.D., author of Why Men Are The Way They Are. “Guys want that too—they want to know that it’s not just sex she wants; it’s him. With this, you’re implying that you want him so badly, you can’t wait... and honestly, that makes him feel like a god.”
Arecent Pew Research Center survey on marriage in America asked what qualities make someone a desirable partner. Ready for this? 90 percent of men responded ‘Being a good mother’ (and that was the top response). Experts say that on an instinctual level, guys are driven to hunt for someone with whom they could see themselves having kids. And this also holds true for men who are nowhere near ready for bottles.
“Finding a mate to pass along your DNA is a primal human impulse,” says Meredith Small, PH.D., professor of anthropology at Cornell University and author of Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology And Culture Shape the Way We Parent. “A man naturally responds to those biological urges by moving forward with a woman who will potentially be able to raise his children, even if he doesn’t want kids soon—or ever.”
So then what, exactly, tips off a guy that the woman he’s currently bar hopping with or taking out for dinner and a movie will be great mommy material in the future? It’s actually surprising little behaviours that tell men a whole lot, according to experts. They highlight the three biggies here...
You Don’t Flip Out If You Lose Your Cell
It’s hard not to have a mini meltdown when you realise you left your Blackberry in a bar or experience some other setback, like driving an hour in the wrong direction. But keeping cool is an indicator you can handle more trying stuff, including the inevitable ups and downs that happen once you have a couple of ankle-biters.
“It’s fundamental to infant survival that a mother be able to react calmly and think on her feet in a crisis situation,” Small says. Back in prehistoric times, she would need to have the wherewithal to grab the kids and run from a predator—becoming hysterical would quite literally be the kiss of death. And it’s just as important today: showing you can stay level-headed when minor things go wrong proves to him that you’re a strong, capable woman he can trust with the kiddies.
You Can Sense If Something’s Wrong with Your Lover Boy
One similarity between men and babies: neither is awesome at verbalising what’s going on with them. So to figure it out, you have to be a pro at interpreting subtle changes in their facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice.
“Men go for women who are perceptive, like those who notice tiny variations in a person’s behaviour and mood,” Small explains. “If you can pick up on how someone feels without their telling you, it’s a sign that you’ll probably also be able to recognise a baby’s needs, such as whether she is crying because she’s hungry or because she’s tired.”
You Tell Him Funny, Interesting Stories About Your Day
“Engaging storytelling is how mothers throughout the ages have passed down traditions, explained cultural beliefs, and relayed the dos and don’ts of the community to their children,” says
anthropologist Helen Fisher, PH.D., author of Why Him? Why Her? How To Find And Keep Lasting Love.
A mom who gives a good chat also teaches her munch kins social skills, helps them learn how to express themselves effectively, and gives them an edge later in life (studies have shown that the more parents converse with their children, the more successful and well-developed they will become). Lesson: don’t be afraid to talk.
Warning: This Word Sets Off Alarm Bells
What better way to show him you’re mama material than by casually talking about how you’d like kids someday, right? But dropping the word ‘baby’ too soon will freak him out. “Men interpret conversations about children as one giant dotted line you want them to sign on,” says Seth Meyers, Psy. d., author of Dr Seth’s Love Prescription. “Even if he intends to have kids, mentioning it before he’s ready often makes a guy feel boxed in and can bring out fears about intimacy.”
Of course, eventually you want to be sure you’re on the same page. “Broach the topic organically, like in the context of discussing your birthday,” Meyers says. “Just avoid fixed timelines and emotional language.” Instead of “I want to have a kid by the time I turn 30,” try “Next year, I’ll be 30, and I’m starting to think about having kids at some point.”