Why You Shouldn’t Call Him

Ev­ery­one does it—even Prince Wil­liam and Kate are re­port­edly Big Wil­lie and Baby cakes be­hind closed doors. But it turns out us­ing cutesy nick­names can kill chem­istry for the hottest of cou­ples.

Cosmopolitan (India) - - MEN & YOU - By Anna Davies

You would never call your guy Love Muf­fin or Honey Buns in public. But drop­ping those so-sweet-they’re-di­a­betic nick­names into even pri­vate con­ver­sa­tions can take a se­ri­ous toll on your re­la­tion­ship. Why? “If you’re not care­ful, adorable nick­names can kill chem­istry,” ex­plains Mag­gie Arana, co-au­thor of Stop Call­ing Him Honey-and Start Hav­ing Sex.

While the oc­ca­sional ‘babe’ or ‘hot stuff’ or call­ing him M when his name is Manav is nor­mal and healthy, re­fer­ring to him as an ob­ject that you’d sooner eat or cud­dle with than pounce on has a neg­a­tive im­pact, says Tammy Nel­son, PH.D., au­thor of

Get­ting The Sex You Want. Read on to find out why and learn how to pick a nick­name that will drive up your lust for each other in­stead of drain­ing it.

SAY­ING IS BE­LIEV­ING

Sweetie, Honey, Dar­ling, and any other name that could be used by his mom has no place in your re­la­tion­ship, ex­plains Arana.

“One of the rea­sons we like nick­names is be­cause they re­mind us of our child­hoods,” Nel­son says. “But to in­ter­act suc­cess­fully in our re­la­tion­ships as adults, we need to iden­tify our­selves and our part­ners con­sis­tently as grown-ups.” Over time, cute nick­names can screw up the dy­nam­ics that made your early days of dat­ing so eff­ing hot.

Also on the no-name-call­ing list? Vaguely in­sult­ing nick­names you’d be­stow on an an­noy­ing lit­tle brother, like Fart­man or Tubs. “When you’re call­ing each other these things, you be­gin to see each other more like sib­lings or room­mates than lovers,” ex­plains Nel­son.

And while a teas­ing nick­name may seem like a harm­less way to add fun to your bond, over time, it could be dan­ger­ous. “Even sub­con­sciously, words have power,” re­minds Arana. Re­peat­edly call­ing him some­thing deroga­tory will chip away the re­spect and ad­mi­ra­tion for him, which will ul­ti­mately cause you to want him less.

WHAT’S IN A (REAL) NAME?

“By re­fus­ing to call each other names that are teas­ing or emas­cu­lat­ing, you’re keep­ing your re­la­tion­ship sex­ual, re­spect­ful, and adult,” ex­plains Nel­son. And it turns out your real names can be pretty po­tent.

“When you say each other’s proper first names, you’re re­mind­ing your­self of the rush of emo­tions you had when you first met him and un­der­scor­ing the fact that he’s not just part of a duo; he’s his own per­son as well,” ex­plains Arana.

Vari­a­tions on his real name, a studly movie-char­ac­ter ref­er­ence, or a nod to some­thing he is good at and loves to do are all great. It’s fine if it’s a lit­tle cheesy—like Stud or Lover­boy.

“By giv­ing each other sex-re­lated monikers, you’re re­mind­ing your­self of the steamy bond you share, even when you’re out in public,” says Nel­son. And that kind of name-call­ing is to­tally smoul­der­ing hot.

Hello Sweetie, not re­ally...

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