So You Behaved Like a Crazy Chick!!! ( NOW WHAT?)
It happens to the best of us—you momentarily lose your cool in front of your BF, and now he’s half-convinced you’re a bunny boiler. Here’s how to assure him that you’re still the (sane) person he fell for.
You Go Neurotic Nancy on Him
He’s just plopped your filthy suitcase—which you’ve dragged through some grime-covered city streets—on top of your brand new dry-clean-only bed cover. Or he used mouldy tomatoes to make dinner. Not cool. But then neither was your sudden transformation into a fire-breathing, germaphobe dragon demanding that your entire apartment be put under quarantine. In his mind, that small faux-pas does not warrant a fit. And now he’s questioning your sanity. Here’s what you do: once you’ve calmed down, admit you made too big of a deal out of it—then care less. “Try to act more mellow about things than you actually feel,” says Jen Berman, Ph.D., host of VH1’s Couples Therapy. “That’s key to finding a happy middle ground.” Easier said than done, of course, but experts say with practice, you can achieve emotional discipline. “Think of it as a muscle you’re training,” says Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., author of Sealing The Deal. “Decide to take
three deep breaths before reacting to something.”
You Get Gushy. Really Gushy.
Uh, yeah. After too much wine, your sappy side came out, and you confessed that you feel so close to him, it’s like the two of you have one soul. Mortified doesn’t cover how you’re feeling. Time for damage control: “Pull back and let him digest your words,” says Berman. “Just be careful how you do it, because men sense when you play games.” Focus on your life (spend time with your friends; join a yoga class) to show him that you’re okay without him. But don’t screen his calls or cancel standing plans, which will tip him off that you’re pulling back because you’re embarrassed (not a good look). Also, don’t bring up what happened—it will only dig you deeper into the hole.
You Rip Someone Else a New One
Your go-to restaurant gets your order wrong again, or some chick cuts in front of you in the line for the bathroom, and you fly off the handle with him watching. Even though your wrath wasn’t directed at your man, it’s still off-putting. “He’s seen you lose it on someone else, and he thinks: how long until that’s me?” says Kirschner. Okay, because you are not really an intolerant, nasty person, you have permission to fib. “Make an excuse, a good one—you had a terrible day at work, or you just heard bad news about a friend, and it caused you to be more reactive than usual,” says Kirschner. “If you can, apologise to the offended party. But even just recognising your behaviour will be reassuring to him.”
His Friends Get Caught in the Crossfire
Even though your significant other knows you rock, it matters to him what his friends think about you. And since they only see a slice of you (and you’re new to the crew), you don’t want some random moment when you snap at him to cloud their judgment. If it does happen, your best move is to address it with them (after you’ve smoothed everything over with your guy, of course). “The next time you see his friends, float it into the conversation as naturally as possible,” says Kirschner. Here’s your script: “Ugh, the last time I saw you guys, I had a bad day and took it out on Karan. That was awful”. Don’t expect them to forget it right away, though. While your guy might recover from your tiff quickly, friends and family are generally six to twelve months behind your relationship. “They don’t have as much to go off on, so they hold on to defining moments, like a bad fight they witnessed, for much longer than you do,” says Berman. Give them time and they’ll come around.