I’m sin­gle and am out all the time hav­ing fun. She’s my old­est friend and I don’t want to lose her, but I’m get­ting tired of all this.

Cosmopolitan (India) - - YOU, YOU, YOU -


The real is­sue be­tween you and your friend is one she’s un­likely to ad­mit, es­pe­cially to her­self. You and other child­hood friends are build­ing a fu­ture and mov­ing for­ward, whereas she prob­a­bly feels left be­hind. Her dis­tanc­ing tac­tics—the sched­uled ap­point­ments, even the needy boyfriend—are all to make her ap­pear im­por­tant and ful­filled, both in her own eyes and yours. What can you do? Not much. Some friend­ships come to a nat­u­ral con­clu­sion. And some of them start up again in the fu­ture. So stay cool, re­spect her feel­ings—and if you care about her at all, keep the door open on your side.

Q: I’ve been binge-eat­ing since I was 12 and I’m now 21. I don’t know how to stop—when I feel down I com­fort-eat. I feel to­tally out of con­trol. I’m too scared even to weigh my­self. A:

You said it your­self: you’re “out of con­trol”. But not of your diet—of your life. Obe­sity sug­gests deeper is­sues of choice and con­trol, es­pe­cially to­day, with the mul­ti­tude of op­por­tu­ni­ties mod­ern life of­fers. It’s time to dis­cover and be­come your­self. First, find an on­line sup­port group like Overeaters Anony­mous, who’ll help you with the weight is­sue and of­fer you un­der­stand­ing com­pan­ions. But even more im­por­tant, look hon­estly within and dis­cover what de­sires or am­bi­tions you’ve built this weighty de­fence to hide from. Then, fol­low the bright stars. Seek

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