I’m single and am out all the time having fun. She’s my oldest friend and I don’t want to lose her, but I’m getting tired of all this.

A:

The real issue between you and your friend is one she’s unlikely to admit, especially to herself. You and other childhood friends are building a future and moving forward, whereas she probably feels left behind. Her distancing tactics—the scheduled appointments, even the needy boyfriend—are all to make her appear important and fulfilled, both in her own eyes and yours. What can you do? Not much. Some friendships come to a natural conclusion. And some of them start up again in the future. So stay cool, respect her feelings—and if you care about her at all, keep the door open on your side.

Q: I’ve been binge-eating since I was 12 and I’m now 21. I don’t know how to stop—when I feel down I comfort-eat. I feel totally out of control. I’m too scared even to weigh myself. A:

You said it yourself: you’re “out of control”. But not of your diet—of your life. Obesity suggests deeper issues of choice and control, especially today, with the multitude of opportunities modern life offers. It’s time to discover and become yourself. First, find an online support group like Overeaters Anonymous, who’ll help you with the weight issue and offer you understanding companions. But even more important, look honestly within and discover what desires or ambitions you’ve built this weighty defence to hide from. Then, follow the bright stars. Seek