LIVING IN ABSOLUTE HELL
The suicide of 31year-old AIIMS doctor, Priya Vedi, has shocked the country. It has been over two days and the facts are still trickling in. This is what we know: Priya was married to Kamal Vedi, also a doctor at the prestigious hospital and an alleged homosexual. The marriage hit turbulence six months after the couple tied the knot in 2010. In a heart-wrenching note left on Facebook, the young doctor claims that in their years together, the two never consummated their marriage.
In fact, despite mounting evidence pointing at the husband’s sexuality, Priya was convinced there was hope. Until, that is, she ended the “mental torture” inside a hotel room in the capital’s Paharganj area, where she was found
in a pool of blood.
The two families are still coming to terms with the death. Relatives claim she kept trying to turn Kamal “around” and the husband’s father is actually surprised. “These things are common today. We do not know why our daughter-in-law was so disturbed. He (the son) did not tell me he had these problems. In fact, the mar- riage was fixed only after he met her and gave his consent,” the father was quoted as saying in a news report.
Married to a gay man, Dr Priya Vedi’s suicide highlights problems with
harsh antihomosexuality
laws
DC CORRESPONDENT
Priya Vedi was what the society calls a “cure wife”, a front, part of an attempt by shocked Indian families to “rescue their sons” from homosexuality. She’s one of a thousand such cases and this strange practice of cure through “female seduction” shows no signs of slowing down.
DESPERATE TACTICS “Some parents ask children to get married and even say ‘hey, you can get divorced after that’. But we all know, it doesn’t end there. After one’s married, there’s pressure to procreate with the partner,” says Dr Pragya Rashmi, a consultant psychologist with Asha Hospitals in Hyderabad. According to Dr Rashmi, India’s stand on homosexuality has also forced many to adopt certain evasive tactics. Often, these attempts are out of sheer desperation.
“I know of a gay and lesbian couple who married each other just to escape the society’s scrutiny and carry on with their previous relationships. Also, very often in high-profile marriages, the groom’s sexuality is hidden and after the wedding, the wife is expected to seduce him into some state of bisexuality” adds Dr Rashmi.
WHAT ABOUT THE LAW? Keeping a person’s sexuality under wraps and conning another individual into wedlock is a pretty serious offence and amounts to cheating.
In instances, the complainant can invoke Section 420 of the Indian Penal code (cheating — which could fetch prison time of seven years) or the dreaded Section 377 — which deals with unnatural sex; and for such an offence, the offender could face imprisonment for life.
There’s also the cruelty of denying someone a physical relationship.
I n these five years I was just a wife tag for him... I never told this to anyone because I was in love with him and thought one day everything will be okay
ARE THE LAWS BACKFIRING?
“In addition to the criminal action, the offence can also be construed as ‘cruelty’ — arising out of non-consummation of a marriage, and can be grounds for divorce. And as society progresses towards increasing acceptance (albeit slowly), it’s important for couples to be honest with each other, before they tie the knot,” adds lawyer Sanjay Pinto. The harshness of India’s varied IPC sections, to deal with such cases is also what’s causing the problem, according to many. Gay sex is still criminal and both homosexual men and women prefer an unhappy marriage, rather than jail time.
India’s Mr Gay World finalist (2013) and DC’s very own Tarot reader, Nolan Lewis, explains: “In the 80s, mathematics genius Shakuntala Devi was married to a gay man — a fact that came to light only after she married him. She even wrote a book about her experience, The World of Homosexuals (1977). So, this is not new. In fact, it’s a psychological phenomenon where men continue to lead regular lives despite being homosexuals.
“Even though I am an ambassador for the community, being dishonest about your sexual orientation is just wrong and a shameful thing to do. I can understand that some of them might be bisexual, but it is their responsibility to be open and honest. But you need to keep in mind that many are not vocal about their sexual orientation because of the strict laws. If there wasn’t Section 377 and gays were allowed to get married in the country, I am sure there would be a vast improvement in such a situation. But then again, harsh laws should not be used as an excuse.”
LGBT VOICES Trying to fight off a barrage of accusations following Priya Vedi’s suicide is India’s vibrant yet ignored, gay population.
Harrish Iyer, gay rights activist, is convinced the “Irrespective of the fact that he was gay, he had basically cheated on his wife and denied her a conjugal relationship, driving her to the point of suicide, which makes it his fault”
— HARRISH IYER, gay rights activist blame must be on the husband. “Irrespective of the fact that he was gay, he had basically cheated on his wife and denied her a conjugal relationship, driving her to the point of suicide, which makes it his fault,” adds Iyer.
The prominent activist does offer a few points to ponder though. “This has been quite prevalent (gay men marrying the other sex) and the problem is when the men can’t perform their marital duties. Soon, their ego comes into play and they don’t want to accept that they are at fault and blame the partner. This creates tension and frustration in the relationship. But I also believe the first victims of patriarchy are the men themselves. Because I don’t look at these people as perpetrators, I just feel sorry for their misguided principles.”
He adds: “Ironically, gay men suffer from mostly the same factor that restrict women’s rights such as patriarchy and an affinity towards what some perceive to be the natural order of things and familial pressure to perform etc.”
A POOL OF BLOOD In Priya’s case, the officials may have to just connect the dots. There was no love in her marriage, she tried, he was in love with someone else, she was angry and then it ended... with a body in a hotel room somewhere — open and shut.
Sonal Gianni, advocacy manager for the Humsafar Trust sums it up: “Many are saying she should’ve have filed for divorce. But this girl did not have any support system. It all comes back to the law — the pressure from the regressive Sec 377. If you make it illegal for a gay guy to remain gay, how will families come to terms with homosexuality? When we create a support system for more people to come out, no one will succumb to these pressures and marry only to ruin someone else’s life.”