‘It is natural for a relationship to go through a low phase’
QI’m a 38-year-old married man. Ours was an arranged marriage and love gradually happened. It’s been ten years since we are married and every day is dragging on. We have our share of minor arguments but we haven’t had any major fights at all. I think I’m bored in this relationship and should seek some thrill outside marriage. I know this will be completely unethical but the routine is boring me to the core. How can I bring the spark back in my marriage? I don’t want to discuss this with my wife because she is conservative in nature and it might just break her heart. Please help.
You may currently feel that you have lost your mojo after you’ve lost your single status. The word mojo refers to a source of vigour, energy, sexual potency and power that eligible single men pride in. However, you may want to understand why you are searching for excitement outside marriage maybe a sign of insecurity.
The attention you would have got being single, or in the honeymoon phase, can make you feel good about yourself. However, this changes with time, once you get comfortable in a relationship/marriage. It is natural for long-term relationships to go through low phases, where the initial honeymoon period is followed by the reality phase that brings out the differences. However, what helps is how you decide to work on these differences together. When a couple learns to weed out the conflicts, it results in a mature relationship or else they could be disillusioned with each other.
It appears that you two reconciled into the reality phase without any resistance and without working through your issues. Encourage your wife to be open to talk about her concerns in the marriage. Or you could talk to a marital therapist of the unresolved issues in yourself as well as in the relationship. All the best!