‘Relationship with an insecure person can be draining’
Q
I’m a 23-year-old marketing intern. While coordinating for an event I met a guy, and since then have been in constant touch with him. We chat on a regular basis and I think I have developed feelings for him. The guy does reciprocate his feelings at times. However, at other times ignores me. On multiple occasions, he has told me that he loves me but needs time. I am confused. Also, he keeps asking me about my previous relationships, and also questions the kind of clothes I wear. I have never been in a relationship previously. I like him but I am not sure if I can deal with his constant mood swings. I can’t even figure out if he is interested because his answers are always vague. I don’t want my heart to be broken. What do you suggest?
A
n insecure person in a relationship will keep you guessing about his commitment since they are always looking for assurance of your loyalty. The fact that he continues to ask about your previous relationships and is constantly seeking your affirmation is one of the many indications that he suffers from low self-esteem.
You have also admitted that he demands to know about your life. It is possible that he is needy but does not want to show his vulnerable side.
It is better that you avoid any confrontation since it doesn’t look like he will speak about his insecurities. Insecurity can be addressed but he needs to address it, if he wants to let go of his fears. He needs to realise that he is controlling the relationship with his insecurity and work on it.
You need to understand that such relationships can be emotionally draining and unhealthy unless he learns to trust you. You cannot always prove your love for him, as you have to focus on yourself too. It is good to be flexible and accommodating in a relationship but not to the extent of dragging yourself through life. — This query has been answered by Dr N. Sucharita PhD, From Roshni Counselling Centre, Hyderabad, 040-6666 1117/18 Write to us at feedback.age@gmail.com