In search of god

It happens often to so many people in the moments of deep meditation that a meditator comes face to face with some kind of psychological death. His or her mind starts dissolving like a tiny drop disappears into an vast ocean and loses its own existence forever. The same happens in the moments of deepest prayer also. It is the dissolution of ego.

Osho explains this phenomenon with a wonderful poem of Rabindranath Tagore: The poet has been searching for god for millions of lives. He has seen him sometimes, far away, near a star, and he started moving that way, but by the time he reached that star, God has moved to some other place. But he went on searching and one day he actually reached a house where on the door was written: “God’s Home”.

You can understand his ecstasy. He runs up the steps, and just as he is going to knock on the door, suddenly his hand freezes. An idea arises in him: “If by chance this is really the home of god, then I am finished. If the door opens and I face god, I am finished. Then what? Then there is an eternity of boredom.”

He starts trembling with fear, takes his shoes off his feet, and descends back down the beautiful marble steps. He runs like never before. The poem ends, “I am still searching for god. I know his home, so I avoid it and search everywhere else. And deep down I know my search is not for God; my search is to nourish my ego.”

Ego represents our mind, and this mind does not want to lose control on our being. So it creates all kinds of seemingly rational excuses against going deep into the mysteries of life that exist beyond its boundaries. And the experience of godliness does not happen within the confines of mind-it is totally beyond the realm of mind. The writer, editor of

Osho World