It’s about respect, and about the dishes!
The film, Thappad (2020), directed by Anubhav Sinha, is the most relevant discussion on the institution of marriage in Hindi cinema so far. It is not simply the physical forms of domestic violence but the casual sexism, patriarchal nature of marriage and loveless relationships that make even the apparent “happy marriages” essentially and deeply flawed. Therefore, it is not just one slap (thappad), but the mundane lifestyle of middleclass housewives, subtle forms of emotional abuse, lack of validation of their labour and the difficulty to divorce their spouses that constitute the oppression in their lives.
The film introduces the audience to different couples including the central female protagonist, Amrita (Taapsee Pannu). Amrita is a happy and cheerful housewife whose mornings begin before sunrise with collecting of milk bottles, making tea for herself, watering the plants, serving tea to her husband, attending to her diabetic mother-in-law, preparing breakfast and packing lunch, coffee and snacks for her husband.
Swati (Naina Grewal), the strongest, brightest and warmest woman in the film, who is in a relationship with Amrita’s younger brother, asks her boyfriend in the opening scene: “Why marriage, while we are happy without it?” It makes the audience think on the lines of questioning the continuity of the institution of marriage despite modernity, education and existence of non-marital forms of conjugalities. Sandhya (Ratna Pathak), Amrita’s mother, is treated warmly and respectfully by her husband who shares the housework and addresses her politely as Sandhyaji. Sulakshana (Tanvi Azmi), Amrita’s mother-in-law, who has been emotionally abandoned by her husband, chooses to live with her son and daughter-in-law, away from her husband. Shivani (Dia Mirza), a single mother of a teenage daughter who lives next door to Amrita, is another strong and successful working woman. Sunita, domestic help for Amrita, lives in an abusive marriage. In fact, it is Sunita who is repeatedly slapped in the film, while the violence faced by the middle class women is more of the symbolic kind. Sunita’s husband slaps her around and beats her up in order to exercise his social power – express his “masculinity”. By virtue of being a man, he has the social power to beat up his wife. “Do I require a licence to beat you?” is how he sums up his power.
The movie unravels the subtle forms of sexism prevalent among men in Indian society. Amrita’s husband casts baseless aspersions on his neighbour Shivani’s prosperity and her access to a better car and better lifestyle compared to him. Similarly, when Amrita expresses her wish to learn driving, his quick reply in a passing moment is: “First learn to make unburnt rotis!” The film bashes the claims made by makers of Arjun Reddy (a 2017 Telugu blockbuster remade into Kabir Singh in Hindi) that a slap is an expression of love! Thappad explains to the audiences how a single slap amounts to domestic violence and a woman can always invoke Section 498A IPC (otherwise known as the Domestic Violence Act) against the husband for a single isolated slap, as well.
For Amrita, the slap is an attack on her dignity and self-esteem. The incident in which Amrita is slapped by her husband opens up the idea of a man’s social power to slap his wife and the normalisation of routine violence in marriage. People invited to a family party appear shocked at seeing Amrita being slapped by her husband. However, no one really bothers to console her. The motherin-law says, “It’s a family matter!” The husband doesn’t think there is reason to apologise and give an explanation for his unfair behaviour. Amrita walks out of her matrimonial home and, subsequently, her husband sends a lawyer’s notice invoking “restitution of conjugal rights”. Amrita files a divorce petition with the help of Swati and the lawyer, Nethra.
Nethra is a famous lawyer who fights highprofile cases in India. Much of her success is derived from the fame of her father-in-law who was a famous lawyer in his times. Her husband reminds her, “You fight the high profile cases in India because of my father’s fame and family name!” This success that is partially derived from the family name of her inlaws makes it difficult for Nethra to walk out of her own loveless marriage. Her extramarital affair with a young chef provides her comfort from the stifling marriage. Despite being a lawyer, she finds it difficult to resist rape by her husband and eventually separates from her husband.
When Amrita leaves her matrimonial home, her father invites her back home warmly despite her mother’s hesitation. Amrita’s father, Sachin (Kumud Mishra), is a kind and gentle husband. However, the film aims to define oppression within marriage as something not shaped by cruelty of husbands alone but by the suffocating nature of the institution of marriage. Sandhya reveals towards the end how she had to forgo the dream of becoming a singer for All India Radio not because her husband is controlling but because her mother had always advised her to take care of the house (ghar sambhalo!) and not follow the dreams! Therefore, it is not just the husband but in-laws, parents, siblings, children, extended family members and society at large who are the stakeholders in upholding the institution of marriage and the perpetuation of overt and covert forms of violence against women.
However, a disappointment within the film is that Amrita refuses to take alimony from her husband despite Swati and Nethra’s explanation on how her “invisible” work contributed to the family economy or, in other words, her husband’s successful career! Though there is no problem in refusing alimony, Amrita puts it as, “I want to play fair”, indicating that a woman’s demand for alimony at the time of separation or divorce is an unfair claim. Such thinking only emboldens the phallocentric arguments of men’s rights activists in India who argue against women’s share in property and refuse to see domestic work as a significant contribution to the family economy. While fighting the court case, Amrita becomes pregnant but the thought of abortion is not even remotely present in her mind. The questions of how she would bring her child up without any employment and how she would begin her life from the scratch are ones overlooked in the film, centering as it does on affluent, middleincome families. Thus Amrita refuses the idea of alimony that she deserves for her invisible domestic labour, work that is invalidated in the name of love, marriage and motherhood!
Amrita refuses to take alimony from her husband despite Swati and Nethra’s explanation on how her ‘invisible’ work contributed to the family economy or, in other words, her husband’s successful career!
Sowjanya Tamalapakula teaches at TISS, Hyderabad