Not all romantic relationships pass the pandemic stress test
For over a year, the pandemic has affected myriad aspects of our lives, romantic relationships included. Many couples have been locked down together or can’t see each other due to coronavirus-related travel restrictions
Arecent survey of 1,001 18-to 69-year olds by the Hamburgbased online dating agency Parship found that living under pandemic conditions has led to more relationship problems for about one in four couples. 27 per cent of the men surveyed, and 20 per cent of the women, said they feel they’ve had to spend too much time with their significant other.
The pandemic is an extraordinary stress situation for all romantic relationships, says psychotherapist and author Wolfgang Krueger, “especially because its end isn’t foreseeable. We suffer the most stress when light at the end of the tunnel isn’t in sight.” “Love needs closeness, but also space,” emphasizes Krueger, who says that for many couples, the pandemic has upset the balance between closeness and space that’s important for a healthy relationship. Couples who live together can hardly get away from each other, he notes, so quarrels are almost bound to increase. Even if their shared flat is small, it’s important that the partners pursue their individual interests and sometimes leave each other alone, he says. Many of our previous diversions have fallen by the wayside, and we’ve been limited to ourselves, the relationship with our partner and a few close contacts. Selfdetermination, creativity and the pursuit of personal goals are important, Krueger says. Extra time can be used to write, paint or learn a foreign language, for example.
For many couples, the nearly constant togetherness has proved oppressive. But what if your romantic partner lives in a different region, different country, or even on a different continent? These relationships are surely being severely tested now,” says Kristina Schuetz, a member of the German Association of Psychotherapists (DPtV). While the many digital communication channels can help ease the ache of long-distance relationships, they're of course no substitute for personal contact, she says. Despite the hardships caused by the pandemic, lots of romantic relationships are doing amazingly well, reports Krueger, noting that many couples are showing more affection towards each other than before. The added tensions notwithstanding, a lot of people in romantic relationships are first and foremost glad and thankful to have someone at their side at this difficult time, points out Schuetz. “A great many of them find the relationship to be a refuge and resource,” she says. But she adds: "We have indications there's been increased domestic violence."
So not all relationships are a safe harbour.
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