What defines a sex addict

What exactly is sexual addiction? Here are some pointers

“I am not addicted to sex. All I want is to have sex once a day” said Krish. “Yeah! Once a day, every day of the year,” retorted Shyla, his wife.

Scientific opinion is divided on the definition of sexual addiction because it’s difficult to draw a line between a healthy male sexual drive and one that has shifted into something compulsive and out of control.

Dr Patrick Carnes, author of Out of the shadows — Understanding Sexual Addiction noticed many similarities between alcoholics, drug addicts and people who are obsessed with sex. Dr Jennifer. P. Schneider, a specialist in addiction medicine at the University of Arizona, College of Medicine, defines sexual addiction as “a sexual behaviour which is compulsive and continued despite serious adverse consequences.”

A person who likes to have a lot of sex generally has a feeling of well-being after sexual activity. But an addict feels despair, depression and shame. An addict is obsessed with a certain sexual behavior, gets anxious if he can’t get it and can’t stop doing it even if he wants to stop. He will pursue sex in a desperate, out-of-control way, and he will continue to do it despite adverse consequences — loss of his job, his marriage, his freedom. He is out of control.

The causes of this addiction are not known. However, two theories are popular. One has a “biochemical” basis and the other a “psychodynamic” basis. The first theory proposes that certain brain chemicals are released in large quantities, producing euphoria, just as in drug/alcohol addiction and gambling. Repeated release of these chemicals will result in a craving for the euphoric feeling, forming dependence.

The second theory attributes the addiction to the person’s childhood development. Children brought up in dysfunctional families, with severe sex negative attitudes, were thought to develop feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem. Such children, when they indulge in sex or masturbation, are tormented with guilt and their psyche is hurt. To soothe this inner hurt, they may use alcohol, dope or compulsive sex as balm. While this provides temporary relief, the loneliness will return when it is over. Thus, a vicious circle is formed.

Psychotherapy, certain medications and self-help groups have all been shown to be beneficial for addicts.