‘As I became more aware of abuse, I began to resist, revolt against his advances’

A former ward of coach Nagarajan recalls the harrowing experience she had to go through at the hands of a person who is supposed to take care of her, which almost pushed her to the brink of quitting the sports that she loved

I trained under P Nagarajan from the age 12 to 19. During that time, he abused me sexually, verbally and emotionally. As a budding athlete, I assumed that his special interest in me was due to my athletic prowess.

When that care developed into inappropriate behaviour, I was confused and scared. I was performing well in track and field, and winning medals at the national level. I could not confide with anyone as I was ashamed. I thought that this was only happening to me.

Nagarajan had by then gained my father’s complete trust and developed this bullet-proof saintly, do-gooder personal in the track and field community. So many athletes from rural areas and poor economic backgrounds thronged to the academy. He promised them a free college seat and a chance at landing a government job or one with a bank.

As I became more and more aware of the abuse, I began to resist and revolt against his advances. If I did not let him ‘massage’ me, he would not give me the workout for the day saying, ‘Nee enna venaalum training panniko. Unakku dhaan naan thevai illaye.’

I had several nervous breakdowns. Even then he told everyone that I was jealous of a teammate’s performance. On one such nearly suicidal episodes, I decided that I had to quit track and field completely. My mother gave me the strength and said that I should instead quit Prime Sports Academy. When I tried to train with a different coach, Nagarajan poisoned my father saying that I was in love with a boy from another academy. This infuriated my father and we stopped talking to each other completely. I remember my final interaction with Nagarajan. he pleaded with me to not reveal anything to anyone and clutched at my feet. He said, ‘Naan enna pannaalum adhuku 100 madangu nalladhu panren. Evalavo pera padikka vachirukken. Ethanayo perukku velai vaangi koduthirukken. Idhellaam veliya therinja naan kudumbathoda tharkkolai pannippen.’ I left and never looked back.

Several years later when I confided with my senior, she said that he had been abusing girl athletes for as long as she had known. So for nearly 30 years, he has been preying on girls. I was naive enough to think I was the only one. I feel all the more guilty knowing that he continued to abuse girls and it did not end with me.