Growing up in a gender-neutral environment
A s we celebrate International Women’s Day, I have always felt confused about the role of this day in my life — whether I should feel “special” or should I feel a sense of “concern”. What does March 8 mean to me? Or should I ask why at all should the day mean anything to me? This time, I indulged in an intensive monologue with myself. And I have dug out the reason for my dilemma. So here goes.
Throughout my childhood and formative teenage years until I left home for college, I never had any occasion to feel “conscious” of my gender. Apart from being naturally aware of the biological fact that I am a female, sociologically speaking, my parents brought up my younger brother and me in an entirely gender neutral fashion.
In school, I participated in all kinds of activities ranging from elocution, dancing and fancy dress competitions to sports day events, relay races, swimming and horse riding. Just as singing in the choir and performing Christmas Cantata came naturally to me, so did being an active player of the kabaddi team. I read encyclopaedias, “Tell me why” series and “Archies” just as I devoured autobiographies of leading politicians. For the longest time, I had an enviable collection of dolls and soft toys. Not because I was natural for me to play with dolls, but because elaborate dresses and sparkling sheen excited me. I wore skirt, shorts, pants, dungarees, and swimming costume with equal abandon. The deciding factor being comfort and what best suited the activity that I was engaged in.
My parents never said to me “behave like a girl”, “don’t act like a boy”, “dress up like a lady”, and god forbid, “this is not meant for you”.
As regards my brother (who is now serving the nation as a Captain in the army), here again, my parents made me conscious only of the fact that being his elder sister, I must guide him as a friend and confidante, completely oblivious of the gender difference. In fact, all we knew was that we are siblings, and that both of us must grow up into good human beings – such that we make our parents proud.
My father took my brother and me for long treks across tea gardens in Tamil Nadu and the mountains and rivulets in Arunachal Pradesh. My mother took us both shopping as need be.
Both of us had roles and responsibilities in maintaining the household. While my brother made the beds and was an expert at dusting and cleaning showpieces of brass and porcelain, I would brush our drawing room’s carpet off every single hair of our Labrador dog. At dinner time, I would warm up the food and he would set up the cutlery on the dining table. All that mattered was that the work should be well executed and we should enjoy it.
Because I was brought up as a child, not just as a daughter, the thought of being “treated equally” was non-existent. As a result, when I left home and entered Lady Shri Ram College for Women, Delhi University, I was brimming with dreams and ambitions that were completely “gender-free”.
And for that, I am ever so grateful to my parents. I assert with deep conviction that because of their remarkably mature style of preparing me for adulthood, over the years, I have developed my own identity, a strong “value system”, a rational perception towards relationships and the courage to pursue what I believe is good for me.
On this International Women’s Day, I urge you dear fathers and mothers, please bring up your children as just that – children. Groom them alike. Love them alike. Teach them to become what they are – human beings. And everything else will follow.