MEN HARDLY FIGURE IN GENDER POLICIES
Other than the platitudes about the supporting role of men in women’s issues, matters related to men play a secondary role in gender conferences. So it was a pleasant turn of events that the issue of fatherhood and its role in gender relations played a prominent role in the just-concluded Difficult Dialogues meet on gender equality in Goa. In societies such as ours, it is almost a given that women will spend much longer caring for the home and children than men.
It is well known that the absence of men as equal participants in housework diminishes opportunities for women to go out to work. But there is a more subterranean reason why men should be involved in bringing up children. Studies have shown that a generation of men want to be involved in the lives of their children. The State of the World’s Fathers report shows that around 77% of men say they would work less if this meant they could have more time with their children.
Ninety-two countries offer paternity leave to new fathers. India is not one of them. However, Haryana, considered the bastion of patriarchy, does offer 15 days of paternity leave, something which many, including women’s groups, dismissed as a paid opportunity for men to loiter about and drink. But this is unfair and it has real potential to transform gender relations altogether. I know that Sweden is a bit removed from India but it was found there that if fathers took paternity leave, the mother’s income would go up in the coming years. The woman would not have to drop out of work and she would not be overlooked in seniority. Emotionally, too, it is a disservice to men to imagine that they do not want to be emotionally connected with their children. According to Margaret O’Brien, professor in child and family policy at UCL, the younger generation of fathers want to be involved in their children’s upbringing.
In many ways, the boy child’s role model is his father. And if the father is seen as sharing in the household work, including bringing up children, this has a lasting impact as the boy moves into adulthood. One thing is that it reduces the double burden on women who, in most societies, have to manage home and work. It also gives men a chance to break out of the stereotypes set out for them. But in India, by and large, gender policies revolve around women. The ministry dealing with gender issues is called women and child. The man does not figure too much even in government policies relating to women and children.
We need to push the boundaries much more, make the involvement of men a social, economic and political talking point. Studies have shown that when fathers are involved in parenting, the children perform better in school, they are more well rounded and their intellectual skills are better.
Whether in reproductive health and family planning or parenting, the role of the father should be part of the policy. It is not that men are inherently averse to sharing housework and caring for children. It is that they are conditioned to be so. My own father, who played a significant role in my childhood, was always happy to do household chores, including cooking. But when he moved to his ancestral home back in India, he was expressly kept away from doing this by sundry relatives and household staff for fear of what people would say. So, my father confined himself to sneaking into the kitchen once in a while when no one was looking and whipping up a dish or two. It is heartening that many young men in India today want to help out not just for the sake of their wives or partners but for their own satisfaction and well being. This would be the real equal opportunities world.