Communication channels must be kept open during exam time

I am currently studying in class X. When the year began, I was quite confident that I would top the results but as the academic year draws to a close, I have completely lost my confidence. One reason is the pressure exerted by my teachers and parents. Further, there is an unsaid race between me and other students to reach the top. How do I cope with anxiety on the day of exam?

One of the key reasons behind poor performance in exams is undue pressure. The pressure is not only from parents, teachers or peers; it is also from within. While some amount of pressure is good to keep us motivated, too much of it can actually impede one’s performance. You need to relax and set more realistic goals for yourself. Also, try to reduce stress by incorporating some recreational activities in your schedule. Go out for a walk, play some sports or spend time with your family. On the day of exams, have a light but adequate breakfast. Check whether one has taken all the necessary things – pen, pencils, geometry box and hall ticket – a checklist of all items is essential. Leave for examination hall well in advance, avoid people who panic and wait in a place where people are calm. Take deep breaths, meditate or say a prayer if that helps you relax.

Board exams are no different from other exams. If you have prepared well then there is no reason to worry. Try to manage your time well. If you are falling behind in class, then seek the help of a classmate or take home tuitions. Indulge in healthy competition and if that is putting too much pressure on you, then simply focus on your performance. Do not compare yourself to your peers and study at your own pace. Your primary focus should be your preparation. If most of your time is being spent in classes, then focus well and try to learn as much as you can without worrying about time. Exam schedules offer enough time for preparation. Keep communication channels with your parents and teachers open and state that you expect them to be more supportive during this time.

My fifteenyearold son is turning aggressive and destructive. He gets into frequent fights with his friends for small things. Is it true that some children are aggressive by nature? What can be done to control his behaviour?

Anger is a normal emotion and a natural part of growing up. But it is a problem if the anger is intense and frequent. Both boys and girls feel equally angry, however their expression of anger may differ due to differences in parenting styles. Research shows that young children learn many aggressive habits by observing the examples set by others, such as parents, siblings and peers.

Poor monitoring and supervision of children by parents and the use of harsh, physical punishment to discipline them are strong predictors of violence in the young ones. Violence in teenage has also been strongly linked to parental conflict in early childhood and to poor attachment between parents and children. It is important for you to understand that this pattern developed over a period of time and would take some time to subside. It will be important to gradually set firm limits on the physical display of aggression and tell him in no uncertain terms that physically harming anyone would not be tolerated by you. Try to find out if any specific issues acts as a trigger to this frequent display of anger. Have a chat and demonstrate to him how you would diffuse the situation. Don’t forget to praise the small efforts he may take to control his anger though the long-term ability to control anger may take some time to grow.