Innocence lost in big, fat Indian weddings
The wedding season is here. Elaborately decorated marriage palaces and halls along highways across the region are testimony to the fact that weddings may be made in heaven but they are celebrated on earth. Till not so long ago, the celebration meant solemnising the union but with the passage of time, the meaning has grown exponentially in terms of scale.
The sanctity and innocence of a wedding ceremony has taken a backseat. I have fond memories of wedding functions in our family in the 80s. My younger sister got married in the first half of 1986 and I tied the knot five months later. The wedding ceremony those days meant a weeklong affair with relatives coming even from far-off places. There were no wedding planners, so everyone was assigned duties by family elders, especially if a girl was getting married.
Everything in my sister’s wedding was going according to the plan. Tents were pitched in the open space opposite our house. The “pandaal” was divided into two parts — one for the ceremony and another for serving food. The cooks had started their work early in the morning and by 10am, the aroma of delicious food filled both sections of the tent.
Elders were busy with their duties as children played around the tent. They were getting attracted by the sight and smell of mouth-watering sweets. One of my cousins, who was just five years old then, came to me and asked: “May I taste something?” I said: “No you cannot. The baraat is yet to arrive. We are from bride’s side so we are the hosts. We will get to eat after they finish their meal”. I could see disappointment on his face but could do nothing. Dejected, he went back to play with the other children. As usual, the “baraat” arrived late. I was looking towards the innocent boy as he kept waiting till everyone from the groom’s side came out. Then he went inside the tent to have his meal.
After five months, the time came when I was to tie the knot. Again, all relatives were invited. My young cousin seemed happy. He was dancing to the tunes of band and was ahead of everyone else. When our wedding procession reached the marriage venue, we could smell the tempting food. My cousin came to me and whispered in my ear, “we are from the groom’s side this time. So do we get to eat first?” I smiled at his innocence and said “yes”.
The style and grandeur of wedding ceremonies has changed too much in these 30 years — from simple to big, fat functions. Now, wedding ceremonies are mostly held in marriage palaces. Event managers plan everything. Hundreds of guests are invited. Nobody knows who is from the groom’s side and who is from the bride’s family. People come dressed in their best, have food and sometimes leave even without blessing the newlyweds. There are also some freeloaders or gatecrashers who take advantage of the free meal. The thing that I miss the most is the sanctity and innocence of wedding ceremonies and I am always reminded of the innocent query of my young cousin.
WHEN THE BARAAT REACHED THE VENUE, WE COULD SMELL THE TEMPTING FOOD. MY COUSIN CAME TO ME AND WHISPERED IN MY EAR, WE ARE FROM THE GROOM’S SIDE THIS TIME. SO, DO WE GET TO EAT FIRST?’