An empty nest need not mean an empty life
Three decades ago when my brother left home to pursue a degree in architecture, I was crestfallen. With my only sibling, confidant and perennial playmate gone, the house suddenly seemed empty. I felt lonely and lost. What I failed to acknowledge back then was how my mother must have coped with the absence of her first born, whose world literally revolved around her.
My presence must have assuaged her separation pangs but it wasn’t enough to fill the void created by that vacant chair at the dining table and the missing melody of that voice calling out, “Ma.” Now, I realise that her nest wasn’t entirely empty but was certainly half full. Dad, the unsung hero, as usual managed to camouflage his sentimental core by putting up a tough exterior.
I was fleetingly aware of the term empty nest syndrome but understood its true meaning recently. My son is still a couple of years away from making the eventful transition but I was taken aback by the emotional havoc it wrecked in the lives of some near and dear ones. The empty nest syndrome is defined as a feeling of grief and loneliness parents may feel when their children leave home for the first time, to live on their own or to attend a college/university. It is not considered a clinical condition but may lead to one, in some cases, if not addressed. More youngsters travelling overseas to pursue their academic/ career aspirations and the growing trend of nuclear families with a single child has triggered a boom in empty nests around us.
Give the ones you love wings to fly, roots to come back and reasons to stay, the words of enlightened Buddhist master the Dalai Lama resonate truly in the selfless love of parents, who endure the agony of separation to let their children soar high in pursuit of their cherished goals.
No doubt, the austere landline phone of erstwhile has metamorphosed into an array of modern day communication miracles, making sure your loved ones are just a click or call away. Keeping in touch (at times too persistent for the youngsters’ comfort) doesn’t seem to be the dilemma. The biggest crisis parents, especially stay-at-home mothers, face is how to unlearn the habit of leading a life strictly dictated by their child’s needs and priorities, on a daily basis.
However, this quintessential transition need not be grim and lonely. As parents, we ought to be prepared to let our children go their independent way. It’s easier said than done, but we have to put in conscious efforts to channel the free time and to dispel the loneliness following a child’s departure.
This may be accomplished by reviving one’s personal/ professional ambitions or redefining relationship goals as a couple. It could be furthering one’s academic acumen, learning new skills, giving wings to career aspirations, rekindling hobbies, making a relevant contribution to society at large or simply socialising more with family and friends.
In case of acute emotional distress, parent/s must seek counselling. An empty nest need not mean an empty life. “Your child’s life will be filled with fresh experience. It’s good if yours is as well,” this quote by Dr Margaret Rutherford perfectly drives the point home.
THE EMPTY NEST SYNDROME IS DEFINED AS A FEELING OF GRIEF PARENTS FEEL WHEN THEIR CHILDREN LEAVE HOME