Even the elderly love their independence

We all rue the changing family values and the total collapse of joint family concept. Most of us attribute it to the changing values and lifestyle.

In the good old days, as parents got old, children and grand children all lived in the same house. Womenfolk would cook food for all in a common kitchen and everyone enjoyed the meals without cribbing about the choice of food. The family bonds used to get strengthened among cousins, uncles and aunts since they all stayed under one roof.

However, now even the elderly people do not want to stay with their children for reasons of independence. There could be many reasons such an irritable relationship between a mother-in-law and daughterin-law, eating habits, sleeping pattern, choice of TV programme viewing etc. So it suits both the younger and the older generation to enjoy their privacy in their own homes. To what extent seniors prefer independence is sometimes bizarre.

An acquaintance of mine, who is 82 now, has three daughters, all happily married into well-to-do families. About two decades ago, his wife died. He stayed with his daughters for some time. But he realised that he would be better off living at his own house. As ill luck would have it, he became partially blind due to negligence of a doctor. Much against the wishes of his children, he now prefers to live alone. His house is in a bad shape and he depends entirely on part-time domestic helps. To me it is a very pathetic way of living, but he is happy living in the company of his old friends.

A cousin of mine, who retired as a Colonel from the army, lost his wife. His daughters are married and settled in Canada. He went to live with them but after sometime returned to his own flat in Chandigarh.

Meanwhile, he developed Parkinson’s disease. He married a nurse who could take care of him. Soon his mobility got restricted. The second wife usurped all his property, insurance policies and even got herself entitled to family pension (from the army) by drugging him and getting his signatures on various documents when he was no longer able to resist or understand. We even suspect that his sudden death was the result of his second wife’s doing, who found him no more useful to her. When his daughters returned from Canada for their father’s last rites, they found nothing left to be inherited.

There are umpteen cases of senior citizens who prefer to live alone just because their lifestyle clashes with that of their own children. Whenever parents try to advise or suggest to children on any aspect of life — be it healthy eating, adopting healthy lifestyle or following certain tradition — children treat the advice as interference in their personal matters and do not wish to listen.

In the twilight of their life, parents do not wish to be snubbed, ignored or relegated to a corner of the house as a burden on the family. They long for respect, dignity and importance which they command by virtue of their age, experience and status as elders in the family. Therefore, despite their failing health or dwindling resources, most elders still prefer to live independently as long as they can and love their freedom. Some even prefer to stay in old age homes rather than staying with children who have little time for their parents.

In modern times, I think noninterference and no expectation from children is the best recipe for a peaceful co-existence.

THERE ARE UMPTEEN CASES OF SENIOR CITIZENS WHO PREFER TO LIVE ALONE JUST BECAUSE THEIR LIFESTYLE CLASHES WITH THAT OF THEIR OWN CHILDREN