Transcending the transactional relationships

emotions, relationships, actions and reactions have been reduced to robotic reciprocity, a hug for a hug and a smile for a smile on reciprocal basis only.

Howsoever enlightened and cultured, advanced and progressive we may have become, we mostly withhold ourselves till we are sure of reciprocation. Even in routine transactions such as sending a greeting card or inviting someone or giving a gift or paying a visit or just making a phone call, reciprocity acts as the deciding force. Once a tenet of trade, especially under the barter system, the business code has become the basis of all human acts and affairs, emotions and sensibilities.

As a social construct, reciprocity is no doubt alright for a smooth sailing but it falls short of true humanity. It negates or, at least, undermines humanitarianism, selfless service, unconditional love and unmotivated relationship.

As we see, the cosmos does not run on reciprocal requirement. The sun, moon, stars, seas, rivers, woods, mountains, all bestow bounties upon us without waiting for any reciprocation. They never stop and stand in expectation of some return or reward. As in Nature, we should give for the sake of giving alone. Doing good is a reward in itself. No other gain or benefit needs to be desired.

Governed by the prospects of personal gain, when we seek reward or cost balance in our dealings, our relationship turns into a trade. Ifs and buts, calculations and claims cause conflict and clash bringing about bitterness and breakups among buddies and babes. Relationships resting on returns and rewards end up in regret, remorse and resentment.

Love is a passion indeed without the necessity of reciprocity. We can’t force anyone to love us the same way as we do. Also, love is never lost, nor does it ever go waste. If not reciprocated, as believes American writer Washington Irving, it flows back and softens and purifies the heart. The Bible’s gospels, Love thy enemies and turn the other cheek, are far from being in conformity with the rule of reciprocity or retaliation.

We need to transcend the mercenary idea of reciprocity and learn to love without any cause or condition. As poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning says, “If thou must love (someone) let it be for nought/ Except for love’s sake only.”

American coach and writer John Wooden goes a step further to say, “Everyday, try to help someone who can’t reciprocate your kindness.”

LOVE IS NEVER LOST, NOR DOES IT EVER GO WASTE. IF NOT RECIPROCATED, IT FLOWS BACK TO SOFTEN AND PURIFY THE HEART