Speaking up for a quiet child, it’s okay to be shy
Waiting outside my daughter’s school, I bump into my ex-classmate. We exchange notes and start talking about our children.
Sounding concerned, she says, “My daughter is in Grade 6 and she’s painfully shy. Being an educator, maybe you can suggest ways I can help her.” “Well, so is my daughter,” I reply reassuringly. “I found the answer in classical dance. What could be a more graceful way to feel all emotions and express them with poise? Find an activity that she is passionate about, and let her indulge in it to heart’s content.”
She nods and we move on. A year later, we meet again at a coffee shop. After introducing me to her husband, she brings up the issue of her daughter being an introvert. This is when I realise how much her daughter’s reticence is affecting her as a parent. “Is being shy really a problem?” I prod the parents gently. “Just keep giving her opportunities to experience various things in life and let her grow. She might gradually come out of her shell before you realise. But do let her know that it is all right to be shy.”
Seeming a little perplexed, they both nod politely as I move on to my table. I reckon it is for the first time they heard someone say that it is “okay to be shy”.
Parents nowadays are convinced that their children are like clay in a potter’s hands and they should spare no effort to ensure that their behaviour and performance are all fine-tuned as per expected standards, safeguarding their future.
There is no denying that a socially confident and uninhibited child is believed to have better chances of success in school activities and beyond. They are the ones believed to be highly effective team leaders and tend to have wider social circles. However, why is being shy viewed as a handicap and a stumbling block to success? Bashful children are believed to have a keen observation and might turn out to be more creative.
There’s a plethora of activities they can excel at, not just art, craft and music as most people would enumerate, but also photography, writing or IT projects. Similarly, there’s a gamut of career options to choose from, and not just the ones traditionally believed to be more suitable for introverts.
Most of us have a mental image of a tough talking extrovert lawyer always ready for a public debate but according to data, a majority of attorneys are introverts while some of the most innovative minds in technology describe themselves as shy.
In any case, many children may not be purely extrovert or introvert, but exhibit a behaviour that terms them as ‘ambivert’. Yes, this term does exist, just like this personality trait that happens to be fairly common. My daughter exhibits both the characteristics depending upon the setting and her mood. How nice it would be if instead of making our child more outgoing, we taught her to be comfortable in her skin. Rather than managing our children’s behaviour, perhaps we need to learn to manage our expectations.
WHY IS BEING SHY VIEWED AS A STUMBLING BLOCK TO SUCCESS? BASHFUL CHILDREN OFTEN
TURN OUT TO BE
MORE CREATIVE