Tips for the holed-in golfer in nick of time
While there is so much sympathy during the lockdown for the plight of the poor kids barred from their normal, boisterous play; no one shed a tear for the ennui of the avid golfer now laid off course.
There has been concern even for liquor lovers missing their everyday elixir with talk of issuing them ‘permits’ on medical grounds. But no one has talked about the mental torment of the regular golfer, when deprived of his mandatory serotonin uptake of nine holes or even 18 in some cases.
The worst hit are the senior citizens, as it’s mostly the retired lot that can spare time to hit balls in the air and animatedly yell ‘ball ho’ with the lusty cheer of a Roman conqueror, annexing yet another territory and pegging his flag on it.
As a fellow concerned golfer, here are some tips to keep my brotherhood in good nick: All golfers ranging from pros to double-digit handicappers like me dread getting into the bunker. Just when you think you have hit a Tiger Woods’ shot, a gust of wind will carry the capricious ball into the sand bunker, invented for reasons best known to the founding fathers of the noble, gentleman’s game. This then is the golden time to practice the tricky shot standing between you and the President’s Medal Round winner, holding the prestigious cup instead, much to your chagrin!
All you need to do is start digging your own private sand bunker in the backyard. If the lockdown lifts before you hit the bottom, you would have flexed your biceps and forearms, so critical for the bunker shot. If it does not, continue digging deeper, and deepen the challenge.
If you’re not quite the build up a sweat type of golfer then a smaller goal can be to dig a putting hole instead, like the one on the 13th green that always eludes you, and conspires to get you a double bogie. Don’t forget the good old golfing adage: Drive for show but put for dough. So practise putting now.
If none of the above tips excite you, then another way to be in a positive frame of mind can be to throw a couple of balls in the rough and weedy patch of your little backyard hedge, and spend rest of the day finding them. This way, you will develop greater empathy and compassion for the poor caddy, whom you always blame for delay in finding the one that landed in the rough – or even more callously – accuse of deliberately not finding it to pocket it instead.
If you’re rather the passive types then just sit down with some soap, water and a cloth and start scrubbing the clubs and make them shine like a military man’s armoury or the good old hunters arrows in the quiver –never to miss the mark!
If you’re absolutely the couch potato species, then it’s best to proceed directly to the proverbial 19th hole for watering without any exertions –that is the bar stool.
Raise a toast to the early conquest of Covid-19 and dream of the green, green fairways that await you, once the virus is vanquished. Let mother nature too get a little respite from all the bruises and cuts you inflicted on the beautiful fairways, with all your clumsy ‘divot’ shots.
NO ONE HAS TALKED ABOUT THE MENTAL TORMENT OF THE REGULAR GOLFER WHEN DEPRIVED OF HIS MANDATORY SEROTONIN UPTAKE