Of pulls, pressures and perils of staying single
In his essay, Of Marriage and Single Life, Francis Bacon humorously but sensibly observed that a man must marry as late as possible and a woman as soon as possible. American comedian Groucho Marx went a step ahead when he remarked that marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Like this duo, many traditional and modern thinkers have quoted umpteen reasons, motivating many an individual to refrain from entering into the social contract of marriage to continue to live a carefree solo life. In this materialistic world, living solo has gained currency, but the bliss of staying single does not come to these free spirits without its share of ordeals. Resultantly, the struggle to stay single weighs heavy on solitary birds.
Though spared the “shaadi ke sideeffects”, a bachelor has his own story to tell that only another confirmed bachelor can understand. This endangered species, adhering to the Darwinian theory of survival of the fittest, struggles to secure its envious existence and resists family pressure that keeps increasing with age. The initial persuasion to walk down the aisle gets gradually couched in bittersweet invectives with comparative references to younger cousins who recently plunged into the world of wedded warriors.
When dad’s diplomatic tactics and mom’s moistened eyes fail to produce the desired result, help is outsourced to aunts and uncles from all sides. The paternal aunt is often the first to collude with the conspirators. Determined to defend his comfortable status, the coaxing and cajoling words of ‘butcher bua’ fall on deaf ears of the beleaguered bachelor. After repeated attempts, the realisation dawns upon bua that her nephew/niece has become a proverbial wild goose whom she can’t chase. Next it is the maternal aunt or maasi’s turn to make the poor bachelor succumb to her candy-floss diplomacy. Sticking to his/her guns with an irresolute will of John Milton’s Satan, the diehard solo soul deploys every possible counter argument to ward off the salvo of friends and family alike.
An uncle who happens to be a professor, pressing his point in an intellectual manner with quotes depicting the beauty of married life, is befittingly humbled with an anecdote from the life of the not-so-good looking but erudite scholar George Bernard Shaw. Shaw is once approached by a woman of greater beauty but lesser intelligence and weaker intellect. The woman proposes the writer marry her with the desired view that if both of them get married they will be blessed with an exalted variety of kids who will be as intelligent as Shaw and as charming as the woman herself. But Shaw brushes her aside by asking what if the contrary happens.
Eventually, our otherwise obedient ‘bechara’ bachelor, abandoning all arguments, starts taking recourse in golden silence as silver speech after he is exhausted by the warring factions.
Reclining on my couch and writing this piece, I being a committed and confirmed bachelor can empathise fully with the plight of singletons and can’t help but agree with the adage that one must have a happy family, but in another city.
THIS ENDANGERED SPECIES OF BACHELORS, ADHERING TO THE DARWINIAN THEORY OF SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST, STRUGGLES TO SECURE ITS ENVIOUS EXISTENCE AND RESISTS FAMILY PRESSURE THAT KEEPS INCREASING WITH AGE