Middle age rocks, stepping into the real wonder years

As I approach my mid-40s birthday, I feel a sense of elation not so much for the day itself, as I’m not too big on birthday celebrations, but for the age and stage of life I’m in.

The late forties bring with them a sort of liberation that I’ve been feeling lately. The need to fit into a social setting has drastically reduced over the last few years, the unconscious push to dress a certain way, be accepted by the ‘it’ crowd, be a certain body type to wear the clothes I want, seem to be fading away. I find myself feeling more comfortable with myself than I’ve ever been. My midriff no longer seems to bother me as much, though the battle of the bulge is still going strong, the outfit that was resting at the back of my closet, waiting for my body to reach an unnatural size found itself being aired and worn.

The hesitation to express my opinion, for fear of judgement, has definitely decreased, unless it is coming from any of these three: Those I gave birth to, those who gave birth to me and my partner in marriage. The urge to jump into every battle with a ‘morcha’ is no longer the foremost expression of my persona, I have learnt to keep my peace. I no longer need to change the world or react to events.

To my mind, whoever said that youth is the best part of life either didn’t know what he was talking about or it was just for poetry. For most of us, our youth was spent adhering to norms, being accepted, starting out at work, prepping ourselves for marriage, being the best mothers and then bending over backwards to make adjustments whilst our backs got bent out of shape.

Enter the forties and all that changes. Those in our vicinity by now are aware of our limitations and boundaries, and our lack of fear for voicing them. The little irritants that earlier seemed life altering have become that ‘little’. Today, I know I am the best mother to the core of my ability, no matter how many times the offspring is forced to express “I hate you”, that phrase is more like water off a duck’s back.

The game-changer for me were words said by a friend’s husband, “This is the only life we all have, none of us is getting another one, so why wait for every prerequisite to fall in place?” Simple and obvious, but if put in perspective can change one’s outlook.

Somewhere in this need to achieve, we put a very important anchor on the backburner, our friends. As the children grow up and need you a lot less and the spouses approach their own mid-life crises, it’s friends that keep us sane. To build and keep this bond takes an investment of time and effort, as well as the willingness to accept their flaws as they deal with yours, but don’t let the fine line between an honest opinion and a put-down be crossed. The mid-life years have taught me to recognise and address the difference.

Before the knees start creaking, the back gives up and digestion becomes a part of drawing room conversation, I strive to acknowledge life and the joys it brings. I intend to learn the sport I’ve always wanted to, eat dessert at the buffet without the guilt attached, have fun with children instead of constantly worrying for their future and become friends with the husband, with the intent to ring true the cliché, middle age rocks, these are truly the wonder years.

AS THE CHILDREN GROW UP AND NEED YOU A LOT LESS AND THE SPOUSES APPROACH THEIR OWN MID-LIFE CRISES, IT’S FRIENDS THAT KEEP US SANE. TO BUILD AND KEEP THIS BOND TAKES AN INVESTMENT OF TIME AND EFFORT