Expect very low mileage
help that the ingredients are all there — One carefree, funny hitman (Samuel L Jackson), a sarcastic bodyguard (Ryan Reynolds), a foul-mouthed, yoga-loving girlfriend (Salma Hayek); a strained relationship between the two men that quickly proceeds to soul-searching talks between the chases and gunslinging.
As Jackson and Reynolds dash across Europe, they must fight off henchmen sent by a ruthless Eastern European dictator being tried for war crimes.
It all gets pretty tiresome pretty soon.
The one thing that rescues the film is the fact that director Patrick Hughes seems intently aware of its predictability.
So he mixes in a dash of fun, irony, even a few tongue-in-cheek digs at the genre itself. Still, there are only a few moments that stand out — notably one in which Jackson sings a very heartfelt rendition of ‘Nobody gets out alive’.
DIPANJAN SINHA
After languishing in development hell for years — film-makers of the calibre of Ron Howard and JJ Abrams had evinced interest in the author Stephen King’s titular magnum opus — Danish director Nikolaj Arcel (A Royal Affair) clinched the dream assignment. Turns out, he was not an auspicious choice.
He attempts to pack as much of the eight-book series into as few minutes as possible, showing scant interest in character dynamics or narrative coherence. The story wasn’t that gripping to begin with.
Set in a post-apocalyptic wasteland known as Mid-World, a jaded gunslinger (Idris Elba), a fearsome sorcerer aka Man in Black (Matthew McConaughey) and a psychic young boy (newcomer Tom Taylor) embark on a search for the Dark Tower, which can supposedly save their realm from extinction.
The hackneyed good-versusevil film never really hits its stride. Even the visual effects and action skirmishes lack panache.
The screenplay is dotted with such laugh-out-loud howlers as, “I do not kill with my gun, I kill with my heart” (this from the gunslinger).
Idris Elba and Matthew McConaughey are serviceable, at best.
Reportedly planned as a franchise starter, The Dark Tower is to be followed by sequels and a TV spin-off. We are not thrilled.