Son orientation: Is it a global phenomenon?
My wife was ever ready to lock horns with my nani (maternal grandmother) on the issue of her son orientation. The old lady was the proud mother of five sons, my mother being from the first marriage. As per nani, only sons could look after their parents in old age and they were always more intelligent than girls. This logic irritated my wife no end, and from day one she found nani conservative, backward and radical in her approach.
My fauji wife was never the favourite of my ‘nanakas’ (maternal family) either, and our only girl child was often told that she must have a brother. Fortunately, we were able to convince our daughter that being the only child would get her the best of education and a bright future. Also, we told her that there was no difference between a son and a daughter, and in fact girls are more sincere to parents even after their marriage.
I loved my grandmother and always tried to do ‘peacekeeping’ and ‘peace-making’ between nani and my wife. My logic that the gender of the child was determined by the man and not the woman didn’t cut much ice with the stubborn mother of five sons. She would counter my citing examples of successful women bureaucrats, doctors, bankers, space scientists, astronauts, prime ministers et al, by saying that only sons could become generals and colonels and they are the ones who would lead armies to war against the enemy.
The first question she would ask any woman coming in contact with her was, ‘How many sons do you have?’ For her, a woman having two or more sons was a ‘blue chip company’ in today’s terms, and the one with only daughters was an ‘unlisted company’.
Her bias was evident even in the shagun (auspicious gift) she gave to children. A male infant of a domestic help would be given as much as the sum given to the baby girl of a farflung relative. She considered girls a ‘paraya dhan (another family’s wealth)’. Eventually, one fine day she drove a nail in my reasoning and logic by saying that it’s only the son who lights the pyre and not the daughter. I was speechless and did not want to hurt her sentiments. She died a decade later after doing a ‘Baghban’, shifting her base frequently from the house of one son to another.
Many years later during our visit to Dubai, we had another run-in with nani’s logic thanks to a cab driver from Pakistan. No sooner did we board his cab that he asked, “Janab aap India ke hain?” The answer was yes. His next query was about our children. When we told him that we have a beautiful daughter, he said he felt sorry for us as we hadn’t been blessed with a son. His response reminded me of nani. I shot back, asking him how many kids he had. His answer was two. Not convinced, I repeated my question. And then he revised his answer to ‘five’. When I asked him why he had initially said, ‘two’, he said: “Sir I have two sons and three daughters.” I felt sad that this man didn’t even want to acknowledge his daughters. My wife and I looked at each other, wondering if son orientation is a global phenomenon.
THE FIRST QUESTION SHE WOULD ASK ANY WOMAN COMING IN CONTACT WITH HER WAS, ‘HOW MANY SONS DO YOU HAVE?’ FOR HER, A WOMAN HAVING TWO OR MORE SONS WAS A ‘BLUE CHIP COMPANY’ IN TODAY’S TERMS