Women often have very little say in the nikah-nama
Only in our subcontinent do Muslim women and their families need to bend over backwards to please men
Towards the end of the Supreme Court’s hearings on triple talaq, Chief Justice of India JS Khehar asked if a woman can exclude the triple talaq clause in the marriage contract. This question set off an important dialogue that was missing from Muslim circles. Many of us had been talking about the nikah-nama being a contract drawn out between consenting adults and thereby by the very nature of a civil contract, it can have clauses inserted that both parties mutually agree to. The clauses can be to spell out the procedure for divorce, child custody, property, mehr, etc.
When I made this point to many elderly women from the community, they said, ‘Kaun shaadi karega (who will marry) if the girl’s side is so demanding?’ This statement was a mirror to the reality of our society. The massive social engineering that goes into silencing a woman is fundamental to understanding the crux of this problem.
Indian Muslim women often experience the worst combination of Indian and Arabian cultures. Only in our subcontinent do Muslim families have to bend over backwards to please boys. Nowhere else does a woman pay a man to marry her. Dowry is unique to us. Islam instead had Mehr which has been reduced to nothing in India and is often seen as an insult if it is anything substantive. In such a scenario, how can a girl negotiate the marriage contract or the nikah-nama?
In an affidavit on Monday, The All India Muslim Personal Law Board told the Supreme Court that it had decided to issue an advisory asking qazis to incorporate a condition in the nikah-nama to exclude resorting to pronouncing three divorces in one sitting. This does not take cognisance of the fact that brides often have very little say in the matters of the nikah-nama.
The fact that clauses can be inserted is a little known fact, even among the educated elite. Finding acceptance for the same in all other classes sounds like a utopian idea divorced from reality.
In a patriarchal society such as ours, girls are not supposed to spell out conditions. No one wants to discuss details of divorce while getting hitched.
The ‘proper’ way ahead would be to have a standard nikah-nama that ensures the basic rights of a bride are not curbed. In the absence of a unifying body representing the Muslims in India, only the Supreme Court’s intervention can ensure the acceptance of the nikah-nama beyond divides of sect, class and education; and become a tool for a woman’s true empowerment. Mere ‘advice’ from an NGO that is not binding on anyone will only be an eyewash and won’t really make much difference on the ground.