Don’t fret about what people say, do it your way
“Duniya ka sabse bada rog Kya kahenge log.” (The biggest disease afflicting the world is the thought that what will people say).
It must’ve taken someone a fair amount of ingenuity and plenty of unsavoury experiences with people from different walks in life, to pen these two lines. Whosoever wrote that, kudos to you. You couldn’t have said it better.
Recently, a groom’s father took a strong stand against accepting any gifts from the bride’s family. He visited them a few days before the wedding, and refused to accept any car or jewellery from his prospective daughter-in-law and her parents. The usually soft-spoken gentleman is said to have told them in no uncertain terms that he’d be greatly upset if they didn’t pay heed to his wishes. “If you greatly insist, let it be a shirt for me, that’s all.” It left the bride’s parents stunned. They worriedly called up the matchmakers about their samdhi’s “odd” behaviour. Some people praised the gentleman for his honourable stand in not accepting any form of dowry from the girl’s family. However, there was a group of people which accused the groom’s father of being “too proud”. “He has everything he needs, but he doesn’t need to be so arrogant about it,” they tutted. “The girl’s parents are doing it out of sheer happiness. He mustn’t ruin it for them,” they declared.
The accusations flung at the gentleman were laughable at the very least. If there is an agent of change, who is going against the tide for a greater cause, he is not lauded. Rather, fingers are pointed at him for being “too haughty.” Just because “exchange of gifts” has become the norm, people who dare to go against it, are ridiculed. People who prefer to hold a simple wedding ceremony instead of an elaborate affair are called “miserly”.
This trend of labelling people is universal. A father changing his baby’s diaper is instantly branded as “henpecked”.
A stranger passing a warm smile is looked upon with suspicion, and dubbed “lascivious”. A middle-aged woman sporting a bright hue of lipstick is smirked at, and called “unchaste”. A woman voicing her opinion is “too dominating”, just like a diplomatic woman is considered “too clever”. This habit of labelling transcends gender, and afflicts both men and women alike. No one is spared.
The only way to confront this constant labeling is to confidently sway like an elephant, while the dogs bark, and continue to do what you truly believe in. It is not possible to please everyone at the same time. There will always be someone somewhere who disapproves. It is important to have the conviction and the power to differentiate the right from the wrong; the honourable from dishonourable; the egalitarian from the chauvinist; and politeness from lechery.
A genius of our times, thespian and lyricist Piyush Mishra is spot on when he says, “Insaan khud ki nazar mein sahi hona chahiye; Duniya toh bhagwaan se bhi dukhi hai.” (Man should be right in his own eyes; people will find fault even in God).
A STRANGER PASSING A WARM SMILE IS DUBBED “LASCIVIOUS”. A MIDDLEAGED WOMAN SPORTING A BRIGHT HUE OF LIPSTICK IS SMIRKED AT, AND CALLED “UNCHASTE”