To be happy, learn the subtle art of giving up
Dealing with disappointment is easier said than done. Missing out on a promotion or salary hike, unrequited love or friendship, failure to achieve goals and other setbacks can lead us to feel disillusioned and question the point of life or existence. The future seems bleak and insipid because we tend to build up a frenzy of hope and excitement beforehand only to have it fizzle out over a period of time.
Lofty discourses on ‘radiating positive energy’ so that ‘the entire universe will contrive to make our wishes come true’ does nothing to get us out of the doldrums. The feeling of being singled out, victimised and wronged gets exacerbated on seeing others around who appear happier and more content. Obviously, this contrast does nothing to improve the depressing scenario and life becomes a vicious circle of doubt, self-loathing and comparison.
So how about a radical change in our line of thinking?
Can I be courageous enough to accept that I am an average person, cut out to lead a mediocre and ordinary life? Can I dare to acknowledge the reality that I will need to work very hard if I wish to achieve greatness and maybe I am not ambitious or capable enough? Can I face the harsh truth that I may need to put in double the effort than my neighbour if I want to drive a Bentley like him? Can I delve deep into my heart and admit that my failed relationships may have something to do with me too and not just heap blame on my partner?
Sometimes, lowering our hopes and expectations can help us lead happier, more fulfilled lives. Keeping realistic goals can go a long way in avoiding disappointment. The high achievers who reach the zenith of their careers may have had to make many sacrifices we are not even aware of as we envy their successes and rue our failures.
This I learnt from the new bestseller doing the rounds, authored by motivational speaker Mark Manson in his provocatively titled book, wherein he introduces an original and groundbreaking concept, in complete contrast to what we have been led to believe, all this while. Tongue in cheek but with deadpan seriousness, he assures us of attaining happiness if we can temper down our hopes and aspirations, choose our values judiciously and take a reality check on our actual capabilities as opposed to imaginary ones.
As a small example, I brashly promised myself to send in a minimum of two articles per month for this column. Unable to keep pace, I started berating myself for being lazy and an under achiever.
Overenthusiastic expectations led to self doubt. I adopted a realistic goal of one article a month, keeping in mind my limitations of competence, time, family obligations and priorities.
Wouldn’t existence be happier and simpler if we sought not to outdo and excel but instead learnt to accept our inadequacies and embrace life in spite of them?
WE CAN ATTAIN HAPPINESS IF WE TEMPER DOWN OUR HOPES AND ASPIRATIONS