Training to be assertive

Almost all of us at some points of time during our lives tend to be in situations in which we wish to say something or behave differently, but we find it difficult to do so. This hesitation could usually be stemming from our concerns about the feelings of others, others’ perceptions and beliefs about us, and our fear of their reactions to our behaviour.

However, in this process, we end up supressing our pent-up emotions, which contribute to increase in our frustration and even might lead to aggressive outbursts. Therefore, it is important for us to keep in mind the following tips, in order to learn the art of being assertive:

Clear and specific communication

Use plain and simple statements, to convey your message and thoughts to the other person in a straightforward manner. While at times being tact is the need of the hour, it is also important to be able to communicate and state your feelings openly. Use ‘I’-statements, instead of blaming the other person.

Avoid letting your emotions get the better of you

Be it feeling bad for hurting the other person’s sentiments, or feeling angry at the other person having hurt your sentiments. It is important for you not to allow these emotions to influence the way you communicate your ideas to the other person.

Don’t feel guilty

Just because you are refusing a favour or turning down another person’s request, does not mean you hold yourself responsible for hurting the other person. If the other person’s request is unreasonable, or not feasible for you, it is necessary for you to say a ‘no’, without feeling guilty, as nobody has the right to take advantage of your politeness.

Assertiveness doesn’t make you selfish

Remember, being assertive simply means putting you own needs on an equal platform with the needs of the other person. This is important for not just your own well-being, but also is helpful in resolving conflicts effectively.

Try the ‘broken record’ technique

Sometimes, despite communicating yourself assertively, it is possible that the other person might persist in persuading you. In such situations, it is very helpful to simply repeat your point several times. Repetition will help not just make your point clearer, and will save you the effort of giving further explanations.

It doesn’t mean assert yourself always

While making efforts to practice the art of assertiveness, it is a common tendency to try to be assertive at all times, even when not necessary. But remember to pick your battles, and reserve your efforts for those situations which are worth it.