R Dad’s the word

As Karan Johar announces that he’s had two children through surrogacy, experts tell us why single men make for great fathers

ecently, film-maker Karan Johar announced on Twitter that he has become the father to twins through surrogacy. He tweeted that the children were the “two most wonderful additions to my life and lifelines”. Karan is not the only single dad in Bollywood. Last year, actor Tusshar Kapoor surprised his fans by announcing that he had become the father of a boy, Laksshya, through surrogacy.

In our society, it is believed that the responsibility of taking care of the kid lies with a mother or that the mother is a better parent than a father. This could be because, traditionally, men had always been the breadwinners in the family and the women took care of the kids.

A NEW LEAF

However, times have changed. Other than celebs, many men these days have become single dads either because of surrogacy, custody of child after the death of the mother or divorce. In fact, you will even find communities of single dads on the Internet.

So, can a single dad be as good a parent as a single mum? Consultant psychiatrist Gaurav Wadgaonkar says that the notion that a single dad can’t be a good parent is false. He says, “There has been a long-held belief that mothers are better parents than fathers. I know many single fathers who raise their child like any other single mother. A single father can be a good parent to both a boy as well as a girl. Also, the media has played a significant role in portraying a single independent mother as praiseworthy. It has not given equal justice to single dads who are equally good at parenting.”

Mental health counsellor Kavita Mungi agrees, “Like single mothers, single dads can definitely be good fathers. The child is not concerned with the gender of the caregiver. Children are concerned with the love, affection and care that they receive. Parenting is about being responsible and being ready for a joyous and momentous phase in your life.”

ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES

When it comes to a child’s upbringing, is a single dad at a disadvantage compared to a single mother? Wadgaonkar says, “Scientifically, it has been proven that there are differences in the male and female brain. We know that females are better at multitasking and emotional reciprocity, while males are better in visuospatial (relating to or denoting the visual perception of the spatial relationships of objects) skills. So these factors can play a role in a child’s upbringing.” Mungi gives a detailed explanation. She says, “Gender-specific roles existed in a bygone era. Single dads are very much a part of the futuristic family. A single father is no more at a disadvantage then a single mother. With the family support system that exists in India, it is possible to raise children in a normal way if you are a single dad. It is about giving enough time to your children, fulfilling their emotional needs, inculcating good values and providing for them. It is more about good parenting rather than being a single father.

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