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DATE’S THE WAY… YOU LIKE IT
As actor Angelina Jolie ‘ignores’ estranged partner Brad Pitt on their anniversary, we ask if ‘being oblivious’ is the right way to move on
Hollywood actors, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt married on August 23, 2014 after nearly a decade-long romance. But, the duo separated in September 2016. Recently, it was reported that Jolie ‘completely ignored’ Pitt on August 23, which could have been their third anniversary.
While most people prefer completely avoiding their ex’s special occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries or some other important day, many individuals meet their ex on their special days or just wish them on the phone or send a text message. An example is actor, Malaika Arora, who attended ex-husband Arbaaz Khan’s 50th birthday last month.
Dates are very important when you are in a relationship. But, do these days matter when it’s all over? Psychiatrist Gittanjali Saxena believes that the number of people who meet their exes during important occasions is very small. She says, “When the relationship has died, it doesn’t matter whether you meet your ex on those special dates. It may only bring up hate. Also, if your ex calls you on special occasions, it could also mean that the relationship did have significance.” On the other hand, Suyog V Jaiswal, assistant professor in psychiatry, HBT Medical College believes that it all depends on the comfort level you share with your ex. He says, “A birthday or important dates should be treated in accordance with the current status of your relationship with your ex. Customary birthday wishes should do no harm if you are in touch in your professional or social circle.”
AFFECTING YOUR PRESENT
Often, not celebrating or not wishing your ex on a special occasion can be unavoidable because you may be part of a common friends circle. But, meeting an ex for a special occasion when you are dating someone can cause problems because your current partner may have issues with it. Even calling your ex on that special date can land you into problems when you are in a relationship. Jaiswal says that in such a scenario, one should meet an ex only after informing your partner. He says, “If you are over your ex, and your current partner is okay with you meeting or wishing him or her, it’s fine. However, if you have any doubts about it, it’s better avoided. It’s always better to leave your past behind if it threatens to disrupt your present.”
HAPPY MEMORIES
Also, some people may find it difficult to deal with special dates from their past relationships because these days remind them of the good old days. Such people are always in a dilemma on such days whether to wish their ex or not. Jaiswal says, “Yes, some specific dates, places or events may trigger the better memories of togetherness. That could make you emotionally vulnerable. The concept of ‘Anniversary Suicide’ out of hopelessness is well known among those who lose their partner to death. Similar emotional experiences may lead you to working towards reconciliation with the former partner during his or her special occasion. If you think reconciliation may not be good for you, you must avoid meeting or wishing your ex on those special days.”
When the relationship has died, it doesn’t matter whether you meet your ex on those special dates. It may only bring up hate. SUYOG V JAISWAL, ASSISTANT PROFESSOR IN PSYCHIATRY, HBT MEDICAL COLLEGE