‘Time out is the solution’

I am in love with a friend who knows that I have a crush on her. But she’s told another friend that she doesn’t feel the same for me. What should I do? – S96

My first question is how does she know you have a crush on her? Have you made it too obvious by placing an ad in newspapers? Or, have you written her name on your building wall? Having said that stop going through friends. A lot gets lost in the translation. Love and body parts inspections are best done by oneself. Try talking to her very casually. Gauge her response. If she’s guarded and unfriendly, back off. If she talks in a decent manner, plod along slowly.

I like a guy and he knows the truth. But, he loves someone else. Now, after a year, my friend likes him and he also likes her. She often talks to me about their chats. I feel very uncomfortable about these chats. I still like him and at the same time I want my friend to be happy. What can i do? – PS

Oops, this is like a typical Mumbai problem. Too many cars and only one parking spot. PS, if you really want your friend to be happy, you probably won’t have written to me. Remember what chess champion Gary Kasparov once told a hot dog vendor after he received a rather small sausage to break, “when making a hot dog weigh the percentage of sausage to bread.” Kasparov never paid for that hot dog. PS, I think you need to weigh the percentages. They like each other and you’d rather not hear about their ‘love’ from your friend. So, for a little while, try to spend a little less time with the friend. You’ll find that time out is the only solution. And, please don’t dive into this one, go to another hot dog vendor.

I was attracted to a girl that I met recently. Soon, we both started liking each other. But, after a month, I started finding her irritating. After that, I got bored of her. It was over post that. I have been not in a relationship since the last two years. Should I concentrate on the smaller things in life such as the sound of a birds and colour of the sky instead?

–JA

You’ve hit the nail on the head. Birds, sky, roads, there are also bees, open roads , moonlight swims, Ted Talks and the movies of Satyajit Ray. Finding someone irritating after a while is a very normal human reaction. If you don’t find people irritating, it means you need the aid of a mental aid expert. I find everyone irritating. I find these letters most irritating. Especially, your letter. But that’s how I know I don’t need any medication for my mental facilities as yet. So, JA, please don’t be too cynical. Think of irritating as the pot of gold after the end of a rainbow called love. Check with your elder relatives and friends. The longer the relationship the more irritating it gets. It comes with the territory.

My boyfriend of two years suddenly broke up with me. He said he had family problems. I truly love him and just can’t live without him. I am so confused about what to do. I just want him back. Please help.

–JJ

JJ, that’s it. Family problems? I mean these are just family problems. Its not herpes you know. As excuses go it’s the same. Dog ate my homework or my opponent is on steroid, or give the proof (that’s from the ISIS to the indian government). JJ, this guy doesn’t sound too cool. He’s just pulled away without explaining himself. What if you get back with him and after six months he breaks up with you again? What’s he gonna say? Groin pull? Tendinitis? Soft tissue issue? Start preparing for life without him. And, do try and get a lengthy explanation. But, if he’s running away, I suggest you do the same. He needs to chat and give you his real story. But on the other hand with his behaviour, he’s simply exposed himself. Excuse the pun.

HT PHOTO