No child’s play

Are you overprotective of your child and feel spoonfeeding him/her is your birthright? Experts tell you where to draw the line and step back; your behaviour may be harming your kid

It’s a well-known fact that Indian parents can be extremely protective of their children. Now, there is even data to prove this . In the Global Parents Survey, which was recently commissioned by the UK-based Varkey Foundation, 95% Indians came out as most likely to help their children with their education. And, 62% said they spend seven or more hours a week helping their kids with schoolwork. Indian parents topped the poll in both these aspects.

EXTRA PROTECTIVENESS

But, as we all know, this isn’t only about education. Indian parents can be overprotective of their kids in all aspects of their lives. But, little do they know that such behaviour can affect a child’s present and future. Mental health counsellor Kavita Mungi says, “Overprotectiveness does affect the child’s behaviour and attitude towards life. This way, they won’t be able to achieve independence and would expect parents to sort out their issues. It will also deprive them of the ability to tackle day to day problems that help people live independently.” Dr Swati Popat Vats, educator and parenting counsellor, says that such ‘helicopter parenting’ is ‘quite stressful and leads to a trust deficit that can impact emotional and cognitive development and logical thinking.’ She says, “A kangaroo parent is the one that wants to keep the child in a pouch, like a uterus, throughout his/her life. Such a child will lack decisionmaking abilities, the ability to plan and the ability to judge risks. In mosquito parenting, which is about constant hovering and droning instructions again and again, kids become impatient and get irritated easily, and are unable to concentrate and think cognitively, or make logical decisions.”

LOOK FOR SIGNS

Also, there is no way a child can stop a parent from being overprotective about him/her. But, there are always signs that parents should look out for in their children. Mungi says, “Look for your child talking about being weighed down by expectations. See if they are exhibiting signs of anger or violent behaviour when questioned. A child may completely shut himself/ herself from others their age. See if they are unable to get even simple chores done without parental help.”

While too much interference in your child’s life may be harmful to them, noninterference can also affect a child’s upbringing. So, where should parents draw the line? Vats says, “Balanced parenting is important. If you follow your parenting instinct that is employed by all parents, you will know what and how much to do. But, if you follow the frenzy of WhatsApp groups and pay heed to ‘this one says this and that’, you will end up harming your child. Individualise your parenting according to your child’s needs. Ignoring your child or not getting involved in their lives is detrimental, as it instils a sense of inferiority in the child that he/she is not important. This can lead to feelings of inferiority and depression.”