‘Want ro­mance? You need to be more dy­namic, some­times’

Hindustan Times (Lucknow) - Live - - TIME OUT - CYRUS BROACHA

My girl­friend of two years finds fault in ev­ery lit­tle thing that I do. She just ar­gues with me fre­quently. I don’t know what the rea­son is. She re­fuses to dis­cuss it and says I need to change. Please help. Gau­tam

Gau­tam, are you so naïve? Are you so in­no­cent? Are you Ju­gal Han­sraj from Ma­soom? Cou­ples ar­gue my friend. In fact it’s the se­cret of a good re­la­tion­ship. The three pil­lars be­ing (a) good oral hy­giene, (b) no lis­ten­ing to mu­sic by Madonna, and (c) con­stant ar­gu­ments. The world’s long­est recorded mar­riage be­tween Mr and Mrs Hideta of Ja­pan went on for 79 years. When his wife died, Mr Hideta said that of all the things, he missed the ar­gu­ing the most. Of course, as a mark of re­spect he had col­lected all her in­ner ear hair, too. Gau­tam, Gau­tam, en­joy the squab­bling, and don’t let it get to you. It’s just the way things are. Grow your in­ner ear hair, you won’t hear a thing.

A few months back, I met a school friend after many years. Post that she be­came friends with all my friends, in­clud­ing the guy that I like and wanted to pro­pose to. But, she has now given me the shock of my life. She told me she is dat­ing the guy I like. My only fault is that I hadn’t told her I liked him. What should I do? NT

NT, I sup­pose there’s no point in scold­ing you. But I would like you to pun­ish your­self by hold­ing your ears and do­ing twenty squats in a pub­lic place. It was Chen Chai Chen who gave us the phrase “the early bird catches the worm”. Chen Chai Chen in fact fol­lowed the worm ev­ery morn­ing, so that after bird caught the worm, he caught the bird, and so in a sense in Chi­nese folk love the id­iom changed to the “Early Chen Chai Chen catches the bird who got up early and caught the worm”. NT, you missed your worm. In fact in your case Chen Chai Chen, caught your worm, when you were not look­ing. You hes­i­tated and your friend didn’t. Don’t blame her. You want ro­mance? You need to be more dy­namic, some­times.

My girl­friend broke up with me be­cause she thinks I cheated on her. One of her friends told her that I was two­tim­ing and she be­lieved her. It’s been two months and she re­fuses to talk. In fact, I have heard that she is over me and is see­ing some­one else. What can I do? Lost

Lost, Trust is a ter­ri­ble thing. Why did she not trust you and be­lieve you? Are you known to be a liar, a cheat, a mur­derer, or worse a tax evader?

My gut feel­ing is that she re­fused to be­lieve you, be­cause she wanted out of the re­la­tion­ship, and was look­ing for an ex­cuse. You know like how ‘Henry the VIII’ after get­ting bored with a wife, would find any rea­son to kill her, such as “Please just kill her, while I make up a good rea­son for her ex­e­cu­tion”. (Those were his ex­act words recorded at the time of Aun Bo­leyn’s ex­e­cu­tion). She’s seam­lessly slipped into an­other af­fair. Stop fret­ting, and move on.

My girl­friend is pos­ses­sive of me to the point that I am not al­lowed to talk to girls. My friends ad­vise me to break up. But I love her a lot and I can’t live with­out her. What to do? Neil

Neil, there’s al­ways a way around. I took up Rus­sian in my first year ju­nior col­lege. In the first term, I got 7 marks out of 50. The teacher warned me that I’d have to work hard. As any sin­cere 16 year old would, I worked hard and passed in the sec­ond term. I mean I copied the an­swers from my friend Aarti. So, you too must have a plan. Prefer­ably in­volv­ing some­one called Aarti. I mean, she for­bids you from talk­ing to girls. But that doesn’t in­clude mes­sag­ing and tex­ting, but please avoid wink­ing at all costs. Show her you are no push over. Firmly, yet gen­tly, be­gin by talk­ing to girls she likes, with her be­ing present. Push her back, lit­tle by lit­tle.

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