STORIES STRUGGLES OF BEING ONE OF THE LGBTQ

Valentine’s Day, marriages, anniversaries etc., there are several occasions that celebrate love. Yet, anything diverting, even the slightest, from the norm mostly witnesses anger and wrath. The LGBTQI+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex) community is a victim of that anger.

In India, the threat to members of the community looms large in the form of Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code that criminalises homosexual relationships, even as persistent efforts are on to revoke it.

With the advent of greater acceptance and awareness, the world has begun to leave behind the scaffolding of the dark ages. Yet, there is still stigma to be mitigated and awareness to be spread.

June is celebrated as the Pride Month in honour of the Stonewall Riots, one of the most famous demonstrations by the LGBTQI+ community against police raids, that took place in 1969 in New York City. Consequently, June 28 is Pride Day, and the day when the first gay pride parade was held.

Commemorating the day, we speak to four people out and proud from different walks of life.

THE DESIGNER

“Rahul (Arora) and I went to the United States of America to get married. I didn’t know it was possible [for a nonAmerican to get married in the US]. Rahul was much younger, and knew about it. I was surprised that neither of us needed citizenship to get married in New York (samesex marriages are legal there),” says Suneet Varma, the 54-year-old fashion designer, who shares that he was surprised to see people from other countries, such as China, travel all the way to the US and get married to the love of their choice. Varma’s family and friends were quite supportive. “There is a binary between legal and social acceptance. I had social acceptance,” adds Varma.

THE CHEF

“I was teased often of being lesbian, even when I thought I was not,” says Ritu Dalmia, the famed restaurateur. School could be a toxic environment for anyone who seeks acceptance. For Dalmia, too, it was no refuge. Marred by taunts at school, she didn’t come to the realisation of her true identity as a lesbian woman, much later until she was 24.

Despite, school not being a safe place, she says, “My family, especially my mother, was very supportive and still is.” And that’s what gives her strength when the legal system is against her. She also has the support of allies, who send e-mails praising her. Despite a busy schedule, her support for the LGBTQI+ community is always there at the pride parade.

THE WRITER

“I’ve tried to talk to my parents, especially my mum, but they don’t understand. My dad toh bilkul nahi (My father doesn’t understand at all),” says Naina Kataria, a content writer for web production companies.

Her folks don’t understand her attraction towards women, which she herself understood a little late in life, as puberty kicked in and she fell in love with a woman. Kataria might not have been able to convince her parents of her sexuality, but she has found much solace in her colleagues, who are mostly of her age, and “comparatively more open-minded”.

THE STUDENT

“I got third gender status and my parents supported me. Joh friends matter karte the (The friends that mattered), they stayed as well,” says transgender Kabir, who is pursing graduation in Delhi University’s Miranda House, a college for women. Transitioning from male to female, she found legal (third gender status) and social acceptance (from her parents and friends) yet awaits biological transitioning. But her struggle is internal. Kabir says, “I’m neuroatypical (she awaits a diagnosis to give a name to her mental disability) and it isn’t advised for me to go through biological transformation”, which would entail taking hormones and undergoing surgery.