‘Think of your future, the past is a waste of time’

I have been in a relationship for five years. But, my boyfriend is not interested in marriage. I have even threated him with a breakup. My parents, who don’t know about him, are pressurising me to get married. I want to get married to him. What should I do?

MT

The great Julius Caesar, was very keen on crossing the Rubicon. (The Rubicon was an Olympic size swimming pool which qualified as a river for very poor Italians). It was only when he was halfway across, that Caesar realised, he didn’t know how to swim, and this only became clear to him because, by then, he was 13 feet underwater, with his helmet on; helmets were compulsory during all modes of transport you see. My point is, how serious are you about marriage? If you are, then crack the whip, don’t wait till you are drowning in a European river with your helmet on! If you like, suspend the relationship for a week. Sort of like a slap on his wrist, so he knows that you are serious. You might as well deal with the marriage issue now rather than later. Put your cards on the table. But only if that’s what you really, really want, and also hear his point of view.

I joined a new office recently. But, I’ve now discovered that that my exboyfriend is also working here. The moment I see him, I start thinking about my past. I don’t want to leave this job and I love my current boyfriend a lot. But I am worried that I may start liking him again. Please help. NF

Sadly, you can’t use Henry the VIII’s strategy. Henry abolished the concept of the ex-lover. He did this by executing his present lover, in order to enjoy a new one. In the modern world, things are a little different. Besides there are many important differences between you and Henry VIII. To list three, Henry was 350 pounds, Henry played tennis, Henry never had a boyfriend. NF, two years is long time. In two years you’ve reached half acre Olympic Games, or you’ve completed 10% of a metro construction in Mumbai. (Metro construction in Mumbai is set to outlive the very city of Mumbai currently).

Show some mental strength, you have a new guy, a new job, get on with it. Think of your future, the past is a waste of time. It’s easier than you think.

I have been in a long distance relationship for three years, and I have cheated on my girlfriend twice. I will be marrying her soon. I don’t intend to continue to cheat her again after marriage. Should I tell her the truth? CT

CT, surely you mean you cheated 4 times. Because we all know when it comes to sins, the truth is double the confession. Be that as it may.

My advice to you is the same as I gave to a man who wanted to pat a Tiger. I told him “even though tiger is a cocker spaniel, he is sleeping now, don’t disturb him please”. Make peace with yourself and move on. Honesty is never as good as selective honesty. Start with a new state.

Recently, I became friends with a guy from my office. We once went out for lunch. And, now, after less than a month, he has proposed to me. Isn’t it too early? SR

SR, clearly, love has no definite mean time that must be observed. You are going out alone for lunch with him, so obviously you like him. But please don’t feel pressured, suggest to him to take it slow. It’s going well for both of you in any case.