Break the illusion

The person you just started dating or someone who is attracted to you, may actually be infatuated with you and it’s time you take notice of it

Picture this: Your new partner calls you throughout the day or messages you constantly. He or she wants to meet you and see you more often than what’s called normal. Now, picture this: Your new partner calls you or messages when he or she is free and wants to go on an outing by taking your view into account. He or she points out when they feel that you have done a mistake.

There’s nothing wrong in both the situations. Just that in the first instance, and where you may be unaware, he or she may be infatuated with you. And, it’s not only the people that you date who can get infatuated with you. It can be even those that you know well, or someone that you have a professional association with. So, how do you gauge what’s what? Is infatuation harmful? Here are answers for these and much more.

WHY INFATUATION?

Infatuation is often about extreme feelings towards another person, whether it’s your partner or someone that you are attracted to. And, when you look for answers about infatuation, one should look within your own self as well. Dr PD Lakdawala, psychiatrist, Bhatia Hospital, says, “When it comes to factors within oneself, it could be age, hormones, nature, psychological need to fall in love, need for companionship, etc. that lead to infatuation. When it comes to factors within the opposite person, it could be sex appeal, attractiveness, style, money, position and personality.”

LOVE AND INFATUATION: TELL THE DIFFERENCE

Infatuation is often confused with love. Suyog V Jaiswal, assistant professor in psychiatry, HBT Medical College, explains, “Love stands the test of time. Its passion sustains, and rather thrives, despite people realising each other’s flaws. On the other hand, infatuation fades as one discovers the incompatibilities after the novelty of attraction runs out with time.”

OVERCOMING INFATUATION

When it comes to relationships, at least in the initial stages, many people do get infatuated and this kind of infatuation wears off later. But, people also get infatuated by those they are attracted to or look up to. In many of these cases, you eventually realise that you can’t have this person. What do you do? Kinjal Pandya, relationship expert says, “Distraction works the best but it’s not easy, which usually is the case. So, thinking about flaws in the person you are infatuated with, such as something unappealing about their looks, dressing style or personality, helps. One should consciously think about the drawback when your mind starts to draw a beautiful image of that individual.”

She narrates a personal episode. She says, “There was this extremely decent person from the defence profession. And, after attending many of my motivational speaking sessions and knowing a lot about me, he developed an affection for me. He told me he had a huge crush on me. I said, ‘I can figure that out’. He asked me if I was offended and I said, ‘Because you are very controlled in your behaviour, it is natural to become emotionally and mentally close to a person you know so much about. And once you get attracted to a person, you tend to look at only the good side of this person. Come back to reality, and think that nothing of this sort ever happened. At this stage, we have an amazing comfort level for each other and if you take it ahead, things will take an ugly turn. You are running after an illusion that got you attracted to me’. Eventually, he got over it.”

AFFECTING YOU

Though infatuation, when one is in love, may seem harmless to many, it does have its drawbacks. However, one may realise this only at a later stage in the relationship. Jaiswal says, “If a person is not aware that the passion of their partner is actually infatuation, it can be risky. People who mistake it for love may end up committing and hurting themselves. In fact, some people, despite being aware that their partner is infatuated with him or her, get carried away in passion.”

Distraction works the best but it’s not easy... So, thinking about flaws in the person you are infatuated with, such as something unappealing about their looks, dressing style or personality, helps.

KINJAL PANDYA, RELATIONSHIP EXPERT