THE PROB­LEM IS THE KEY THAT WILL OPEN ALL DOORS

Hindustan Times (Lucknow) - Live - - FRONT PAGE - CYRUS BROACHA

I am 18, and my girl­friend never texts me first af­ter a fight. Ini­tially, I used to talk to her im­me­di­ately af­ter a fight, if I was wrong. In her past re­la­tion­ship, she used to al­ways start a chat with her boyfriend af­ter a fight, and then cry. That’s why she has changed. I can’t live like this. Please help. PJ

The ev­i­dence be­fore me is pe­cu­liar. Aro­math­ese the IVth re­ferred to this as the pur­ple wa­ter­melon syn­drome. As a young fruit seller, Aro­math­ese once cut up a wa­ter­melon to find it was pur­ple from the in­side. No­body knew why this hap­pened, least of all Aro­math­ese. Some pointed to the io­dine on his hands, at the time. How­ever, there were no CCTV cam­eras in 1778 AD, so the pur­ple colour re­mains a mys­tery. Your gal pal used to talk to her ex-boyfriend af­ter a fight, then put the phone down and cry. Then one pre­sumes she would have a shower, in­clu­sive of a hair bath, and all would be well. With you how­ever, she wants dis­tance af­ter a fight. Again pre­sum­ably she still has the cry fol­lowed by the soap and sham­poo. The be­hav­iour is pe­cu­liar, but not dan­ger­ous. As long as you make up af­ter fight­ing, its all good. For­get about the past pat­terns. That was with him. This is with you. Just make sure you make up. Even bet­ter, how about fight­ing a lit­tle less?

My girl­friend wants to breakup be­cause she wants space in the re­la­tion­ship. She told me it’s not work­ing. She is cur­rently go­ing through some prob­lems, which she doesn’t want to tell me. What should I do? DM

The prob­lem, is the key that will open all doors. Okay, not all doors. In fact, not even two doors. But, yes, know­ing the prob­lem with you, one door. The door that she is clearly shut­ting on you. You must be­have like Rom­mel did with Hitler. Rom­mel in­vested in more men and am­mu­ni­tion. Hitler pre­tended he had a bug in his ear, and kept say­ing ‘Par­don’, but with a thick French ac­cent, for some rea­son. You must do the same. Ex­cept, don’t use French ac­cents, and don’t ask for men and am­mu­ni­tion. She may mis­un­der­stand you. In­stead, in­sist on know­ing why? You de­serve all the rea­sons. For your self-re­spect, in­sist. But pre­pare your­self for the strong even­tu­al­ity, that ‘prob­lem’, or not she’s not com­ing back.

There is a guy who says he loves me a lot. But, I don’t want to be in a re­la­tion­ship with him be­cause I don’t like him. I’ve told this to him, but he is still stalk­ing me. How can I get rid of him with­out in­form­ing my par­ents? KM

This isn’t a love prob­lem. Okay, it is a love prob­lem, but its a ‘ha­rass­ment’ prob­lem like the one in­volv­ing the two ac­tors from Bol­ly­wood.

Case be­ing sub ju­dice, I can’t take their names.

But one per­son’s name rhymes with ‘Thana’, and the other with Ganushree. Talk to some se­nior rel­a­tives, like a cousin or a friend and get them to warn him off. They should tell him to back off in no un­cer­tain terms. P word is the next re­sort. And please don’t feel scared to tell your par­ents, if he’s stalk­ing you, and up­sets you more than an episode of Big Boss does? Then, par­ents are al­ways the best line of de­fence.

I have a happy man I lov­ingly call ‘my frog’. Frog­gie is well be­haved most days of the week ex­cept on week­ends when his at­ten­tion crav­ing in­creases sub­stan­tially. How do I tell him, ‘For God sake give me some space’? VG

You have to study the species. I think frogs come un­der am­phib­ians or small green crea­tures with no ta­ble man­ners, I for­get which. Here’s a thought: In­stead of Froggy, rechris­ten him Leo the Lion. Lions veg­e­tate for 23 hours a day. Try to re­name him and bring out those qual­i­ties. Qual­i­ties like ap­a­thy, in­er­tia, slum­ber im­mo­bil­ity low am­bi­tion, etc. If he still con­tin­ues, rechris­ten him ‘Bugs’, af­ter a bug. Then pre­pare him for what you will do to Bugs. That should scare him into giv­ing you some space. Af­ter all, no body wants to be squashed. Nei­ther you nor a bug.

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