‘Anyone who tells you that you deserve better, is not interested’

SERIOUSLY CYRUS

he parents of the guy I’ve been ating for two years don’t want me o marry him. He doesn’t want to go gainst his parents’ wishes but ants to continue dating me, even ter we marry someone else. I love m a lot and want to be with him, t not in a casual way. What is the best solution?

SS

SS, he seems to be an angel. A real humanitarian in love. Please let me consume copious amounts of alcohol before I dig deeper into this solution. Let’s get this straight, boyfriend will marry someone else, but as a huge favour to you, will continue seeing you on the side, because of his (a) magnanimous nature (b) his sense of charity (c) because of you are his personal NGO. SS really, it’s up to you. If you have low standards and very little self-respect, please go ahead with this plan. If it was me? I’d tell him its either the new wife or me. And after 377 has been struck down, I’ll leave him spoiled for choice.

I am 25, and I last dated someone about three or four years back. Recently, I started chatting with someone on a dating app. We went on a long drive and even kissed each other. After this, he never spoke to me. He didn’t reply to my messages and was rude to me. I can’t forget our meeting. But I also hate him. I want to forget him, but I can’t. How can someone be so rude?

AS

AS, to answer your question we need to get technical. How long was the kiss? Who broke off the kiss first? Where were your hands during the kiss? Where was his? And if both of you had hands on each other, how was the car moving? According to Reginald Blyton (Enid Blyton’s brother) award-winning almanac, Kiss and Tell, if a person awards the partner after kissing, the relationship seems to be going south. Yes, clearly you still have feelings for him, but he’s a typical one-kiss-Vardhan, please don’t waste time on this character. He’s exposed himself, and he doesn’t look good at all. Gather your strength and go for a drive in another direction.

The girl that I am dating says she has accepted me as her husband. We do a lot of foreplay. But she refuses to have intercourse because she is worried I may dump her after that. Why is an intercourse such a big deal? Why isn’t she worried that I may dump her even now after getting so intimate with her?

PB

PB, as you know by now, English is not my first language, in fact it’s my fifth language after Latvian, Lithuanian, Macedonian and Fijian dialects. The trouble I’m having is the line which says, she’s accepted me as her husband. So are you her husband or not? Husband and wife imply that all coitus activity will be treated as above board. Also dumping a spouse is no easy matter, although average time for dumping varies from culture to culture. In Greece its 44 days, and in parts of Syria its just 16 seconds. I think you need to clarify with her that if you are the husband then you should be treated as a full husband. If you get my point But whatever you do please don’t force the issue in the present environment I don’t want to see your name on the front page forcing me to react. You-too!

I have been in love with a guy since the last seven months. He seemed to like me as well, but when I told him that I have feelings for him, he said he has a girlfriend, and later said that I deserve someone better. How do I overcome my love and infatuation for him?

SS

SS, my head is paining. That’s because you are the second SS , to write in to me today. I hope your not the same SS as the first questioner. And the only other SS I know is a political party which hasn’t written in yet. Unfortunately, in love as in interior decorating, what you say is not what you get. You may have misread signs, or he may have misread you. Probably a mixture of both. He seems to enjoy the attraction , but when push came to shove , he’s shoved. Anyone who tells you that you deserve better, is really not interested, and in any case who is he or anyone for that matter, to decide you deserve better? What is clear is he deserves worse. In my all too humble opinion, you need to forget him, with that age-old remedy, find someone new. Why? Because you deserve better. (Just kidding couldn’t resist).