Mental strategies and traps

The ways that our mind works to face an impending challenge, such as an examination, job interview or marriage (let us not forget elections nowadays!) are so many, that even experts could not tell you which is the best.

Some thoughts work as traps, guaranteeing disillusionment, disappointment and depression. It makes sense to “look in,” identify, and then avoid them.

WORSE CASE SCENARIOS

Before a competitive examination or an interview for a job with limited vacancies, it is impractical to “believe” that you will certainly make it. It all sounds great when motivational speakers try to pump in positivity to bring out your best performance and overcome anxiety, but for most “realists” or “pragmatists”, it is unreal.

Several youngsters do not really seem to give a thought to Plan B or a back up plan for a worst casescenario. They are the ones who tumble badly down into hopelessness and loss of self-esteem as they find themselves unprepared to deal with a negative result.

It of course requires discretion to know the situations where one should resist from applying the ‘worst casescenario’, for example where emotions are involved, as in the upcoming marriage with a long-term sweet heart. Also, checking out the hospitals near a family picnic venue could partly fall in this category.

AN ANXIOUS PATIENT UNDERGOING TEST OR BIOPSY OFTEN CONVINCES HIMSELF THAT IT IS A CANCER…AND THE WORST ONE… AND INCURABLE… AND SO ON. DO NOT JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS TOO EARLY

BLACK AND WHITE

Many of see things as extremes — good or bad, right or wrong, safe or risky, beautiful or ugly, kind or cruel, bright or dull and so on. Unfortunately, most issues in life come in shades of gray, that is, they fall within a range between these extremes.

Slotting people, events or issues into these polar forms is unrealistic. Life is usually not always thrilling or hellish, doctors are not usually “god like” or butchers, and medicines are not usually “wonder drugs” or poisons.

Trying to see both aspects of a person or issue can be helpful. A ruthless businessman can sometimes be a doting caring father, an exacting teacher can be an effective mentor, and a snappy dog can be the most loyal and affectionate one.

HASTY CONCLUSIONS

Jumping to conclusions and taking decisions in haste can be disastrous. I recall the number of students who on seeing the erroneous exam results posted on a website, committed suicide a few years ago, and were found to have passed when the corrected version appeared!

A common setting where this plays a crucial role is in romantic relationships. The phone not ringing is sometimes interpreted as a rejection, while the partner on the other side could have been waiting too!

An anxious patient undergoing test or biopsy often convinces himself that it is a cancer…and the worst one…and incurable…and so on.

Do not jump to conclusions too early!