Hindustan Times (Lucknow) - Hindustan Times (Lucknow) - Live
BOIS Locker room: The real cause – our toxic sexual culture!
While everyone is engaging in boy bashing, I’m left wondering what boys are thinking. Surely, it can’t be fun being the center of everyone’s blame. I spoke to a few boys, who responded, “I wasn’t surprised at all! Disgusted, yes. Shocked, no! This is normal ‘boy talk’! I’m sorry to say it, but it’s true!”
Another lamented the incident, but felt the blame should be shared by a culture that always sexualizes relationships between boys and girls: “Even platonic friendships are viewed with suspicion and forbidden.” Yet another blamed a faulty upbringing with double standards: “No one checks boys, while girls are severely restricted and their every movement monitored closely.” They all lamented the fact that sex is never discussed – “It’s on everyone’s mind, but no one talks about it. We can’t talk to our parents for fear they’ll shut us down.” They all agreed that double standards in sexual morality are the real problem. ‘Patriarchy’ as the villain came up several times.
Why are we surprised by the way boys talk about girls and women? About how poorly they treat them, at home and outside? Women are defined by and valued for their reproductive and sexual capabilities – as bodies, not whole persons. Boys are raised to be boys! No one expects anything different, and no one teaches them to be different. Our boys are a product of a pernicious and pathological social system.
Rigid norms of sexual segregation are much to blame. We must be realistic and adopt a healthier attitude towards sex. Remove the shroud of shame we have clothed it in. We must learn to talk about it naturally, in the context of consent, romance, love, responsibility, and privacy. Sex has a legitimate place in our lives, and NOT just within marriage. Even here, a wife’s consent is often not considered necessary. Sex education and gender education both should become a compulsory part of the official school curriculum.
Teachers and parents – let’s teach our boys to respect girls as whole persons, not just bodies. Let’s teach our girls the same. Yes, they are sexual beings, but they also have an intellect and emotions. Most importantly, let’s become more human and humane about sex. No one is advocating a promiscuous society, but unless we take an open, less repressive approach towards sex, we will continue to witness more BOIS locker room incidents and more Nirbhaya type gang rapes!