Non-judgmental attitude of parents helps students during exam prep
My daughter is 16 years old and she constantly expresses that she is fat because of which she starves herself and exercises a lot. I am really tensed. She has been losing self confidence and the will to study and be organised in her daily routine. It has been very difficult to persuade her to follow healthy habits related to diet or exercise and she tends to be very stubborn. What should I do? Please help.
It is good to remember that self image has a prominent place in the overall confidence building of young people. Teenage is indeed a difficult time span as it is also a vulnerable phase of life when it comes to evaluating oneself. During this time, teenagers are most preoccupied with the way they look in terms of their height, weight, colour including different parts of their bodies. Confronting your teenage child about self-starvation is an extremely difficult process.
But in doing so, do not yell at her rather, express that you are concerned about her health and emotional well-being. Tell her you love her and want to help her in whatever way you are able to do so. Subtly encourage the child on how academic goals will take them a long way and refocus their thinking on that.
Let your child know you are available to talk whenever he or she is ready. Indeed it can be frustrating to watch your child starve, but you must not try to force your child to eat.
Tension during mealtimes will only make the situation worse. It is essential you seek a therapist for your child. An eating disorders’ specialist will be able to get to the root of the problem. However, this process may take weeks or months, so it is important that you do not rush through the process or get anxious that your child is not eating the right way. During your child’s recovery, you should participate in family therapy sessions. All the best!
My son is studying in class 11. Although we have a very loving and supporting environment at home but whenever exam time approaches, I get worked up and get quite tensed regarding my child’s preparation. This leads to frequent arguments with my son. Please suggest how I can help in providing a positive environment for his study.
I agree that as a parent you must be having a hard time thinking about your child’s performance in the examination but you should not transfer your anxiety on to your child. First of all you should help your child concentrate on preparation rather than worrying about marks. Have a realistic expectation from your child as per their capabilities and interests. You should not prohibit activities that your child enjoys like watching TV, playing games. Encourage sleep patterns and some form of regular exercises. Stop comparing your child with other students and their achievements.
Acknowledge that it is normal to be supersensitive and impulsive from time to time. Encourage help from teachers or the school counsellor in course of any difficulty with subjects, or anxiety about examinations. Try to spend half an hour with your child everyday where you just indulge in pleasant humoured talk. Always remember a nonjudgmental attitude from parents goes a long way in smiling through preparation times.
I am 19 years old but my family and friends treat me like a child. My family does not include me in discussions regarding important family matters. My friends also often keep me out of their ‘mature’ interactions. They frequently act bossy around me. I feel left out. Please suggest how I can overcome this problem.
First of all, you need to try and understand why people around you consider you immature. Some young people are late developers while some develop early. If you feel less knowledgeable about growth and other important matters and that’s why your friends keep you away then, enrich your knowledge by reading up, discussing with a counsellor or an adult whom you can trust. Other reasons why people might be reluctant to share things with you could be doubts about confidentiality. Parents can make adult children feel like they are not capable or not wise enough to make their own decisions, still having the mind of a child.
In this case, it is wise to be assertive by being firm in your opinions and actions without being rigid or hostile. Using a friendly and respectful tone increases the chances of your parents listening to you and taking you seriously. Analyse your actions. Perhaps it is not really the other person who is wrong. Examine how you interact with others to see if you are being childish or immature. Initiate dialogue with them.
Since communication is a twoway street, the way you talk can influence how well your parents and friends listens and understands you. Be clear and direct about what you think, feel, and want. Telling parents you understand their views and feelings helps them see yours too. Walk the journey of life with effective communication and life skills.