Learn to tame your emotions through self-regulation

Once upon a time in China a man was standing on the side of the road and there came another man riding a horse. The man on the road asked “Rider where are you going?” .The rider replied, “I do not know. Ask the horse.”

This story provides a metaphor for our emotional lives. The horse represents our emotions.

We are often so impelled, compelled or overwhelmed by our emotions that it seems they control us. This reminds me of the words of 16 Years old Surabhi.

“I don’t know what comes over me but when I get angry, it seems I lose myself in a frenzy of anger. I just throw whatever I lay my hands on. I have broken three mobiles, so many bottles, glasses…… No point in reflecting upon the damage. It seems something comes over me. I can’t control myself. Seems weird but once I even slashed my wrist in this frenzy, though I had no intention of attempting suicide. I just have no control over my emotions. I am crazy”.

I am sure you must have experienced some such moments when you lost control on the horse of your emotion.

The choice is to recognize, own and self regulate them. The five emotional competencies under the gamut of self regulation are: self control, trustworthiness, conscientiousness, adaptability and innovation, all with a common thread of choice underlying them. Remember it’s your life and how you live is your choice.

I would suggest that we have the option to shift from compulsion to choice.

On the same note as our emotion go from being existential (I am) to experiential (I feel).

Remember the emotion of anger/ depression is yours but you are not just that emotion of anger/ depression.

Somewhere this dysregulation of emotions (Emotional dysregulation (ED) is a term used in the mental health community to refer to an emotional response that is poorly

UN HAS DECLARED APRIL 12 AS PSYCHOLOGY DAY. YOU CAN BECOME AWARE AND ACCEPT YOUR EMOTIONS

modulated, and does not fall within the conventionally accepted range of emotive response) has taken a number of people particularly the adolescents and the growing kids in its toll, who have the accelerator but do not have breaks and hence more impulsive.

The emotional storm may be violence against people and property— be it rape, robbery, vandalism, murder or violence against one’s own self viz. rash driving, binge eating, suicides and other forms of self harm.

Growing up in an emotionally invalidating environment with messages of emotions being wrong/ not ok, makes one more vulnerable for emotional dysregulation. 26-years-old Abha learnt to suppress and hold her emotions, as her mother always warned her to control her crying, leading to emotional dysregulation.

Today, she gets emotionally aroused at trivial things and experiences intense body reactions of aches, pains with upsurge of violent emotions at times.

UN has declared April 12 as Psychology Day. You can become aware and accept your emotions.

So, name your horse that’s your emotion, then you can tame and manage it.

Remember that self regulation is not avoiding, denying or suppressing your true feelings.

So, do not hesitate or feel ashamed in visiting a psychologist/counselor to learn the skills of emotional calming.